This morning seemed really rushed and really hectic. I lost my temper with a two year old, I didn't know what to wear, and I felt like I had too much to do, with too little time. I found myself feeling really guilty on the way to church and I kept thinking to myself that I really needed to apologize for being such a crazy mom. But I didn't apologize; I was too busy putting on my mascara.
It is funny how many times I must have thought to myself, why am I doing this? Sheesh, I want to sleep. Please tell me that I'm not the only one that starts their Sunday's like this sometimes. I felt nervous that we had to sing in church and that my lesson wasn't really "that" prepared. I kept wondering if Wyatt was going to have a blow-out right before we were suppose to sing as a family.
I find that Sunday's are like this a lot for me. I try really hard to pray, sing, feel the spirit, and enjoy the Sacrament, but as a mom with four kids I fall short 99.9% of the time. So I feel bad and that I must be doing something wrong, because every other mom has it perfectly together. And you guys do, right? I think we think this about each other because we tend to be so hard on ourselves. And sometimes we do ask "why am I doing this?" And I think it is okay to ask. Because every time I think this to myself, I am comforted by the sweet assurance that comes from the Holy Ghost, whispering special promises that it will be alright, that I'm doing a good job, and that there is purpose in all of it.
And maybe our reward doesn't come instantly. And maybe each Sunday isn't earth shattering. But every once in a while I'll get a glimpse of the reward that is waiting.
It is conversations like this that prove to me that our labors do matter. That the fight is worth it. And that we are raising the 'Army of Helaman' for today.
Dylan: Hey mom. Did Jesus get his cool powers after he died?
Me: Actually he had God's special power while he was living on the earth?
Dylan: Well then why didn't he stop the evil men from killing him? He could have stopped them right?
Me: Ya, bud. He could have stopped them.
Dylan: Well then why didn't he stop them mom?
Me: Why do you think he didn't stop them?
Dylan: So that we can live with him again. Because he loves us.
It is moments like this that things seem crystal clear.
And it is moments like this that my Rewards are evident.
Life seems to be rushing by. The kids are growing so quickly, and before I know it, I will be sitting alone, next to Scott in Sacrament meeting, trying to borrow other people's children.