September 18, 2011

Sunday Thoughts

This morning seemed really rushed and really hectic. I lost my temper with a two year old, I didn't know what to wear, and I felt like I had too much to do, with too little time. I found myself feeling really guilty on the way to church and I kept thinking to myself that I really needed to apologize for being such a crazy mom. But I didn't apologize; I was too busy putting on my mascara.

It is funny how many times I must have thought to myself, why am I doing this? Sheesh, I want to sleep. Please tell me that I'm not the only one that starts their Sunday's like this sometimes. I felt nervous that we had to sing in church and that my lesson wasn't really "that" prepared. I kept wondering if Wyatt was going to have a blow-out right before we were suppose to sing as a family.

I find that Sunday's are like this a lot for me. I try really hard to pray, sing, feel the spirit, and enjoy the Sacrament, but as a mom with four kids I fall short 99.9% of the time. So I feel bad and that I must be doing something wrong, because every other mom has it perfectly together. And you guys do, right? I think we think this about each other because we tend to be so hard on ourselves. And sometimes we do ask "why am I doing this?"  And I think it is okay to ask. Because every time I think this to myself, I am comforted by the sweet assurance that comes from the Holy Ghost, whispering special promises that it will be alright, that I'm doing a good job, and that there is purpose in all of it. 

And maybe our reward doesn't come instantly. And maybe each Sunday isn't earth shattering. But every once in a while I'll get a glimpse of the reward that is waiting.

It is conversations like this that prove to me that our labors do matter. That the fight is worth it. And that we are raising the 'Army of Helaman' for today.

Dylan: Hey mom. Did Jesus get his cool powers after he died?
Me: Actually he had God's special power while he was living on the earth?
Dylan: Well then why didn't he stop the evil men from killing him? He could have stopped them right?
Me: Ya, bud. He could have stopped them.
Dylan: Well then why didn't he stop them mom?
Me: Why do you think he didn't stop them?
Dylan: So that we can live with him again. Because he loves us.

It is moments like this that things seem crystal clear.

And it is moments like this that my Rewards are evident.

Life seems to be rushing by. The kids are growing so quickly, and before I know it, I will be sitting alone, next to Scott in Sacrament meeting, trying to borrow other people's children.


Alison said...

1. you AND your boys are darling! I'll betroth Gigi to any of them!

2. I spent a good part of the Sabbath watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer, yes I was sick but probably not the ideal activity. Sundays can be rough!

Traci said...

Sundays r rough with little in tow! I think a lot of us ladies feel the exact same way, but thank goodness for those little glimpses of why we do this each and every week! no one is wonder woman and we need to remember that! How easy it is to look pulled together each week for a few hours, when no one really knows what's going on all week long, but ourselves and the Lord!
Hope you have a better Sunday next week!

Jill said...

I didn't want to get out of bed this morning either and had a split second of thinking it would be okay to miss today. But then I reminded myself that I would feel better if I went to church and that I really didn't want to miss anything...and holy cow, it was such a Spirit-filled day that I would have been crushed if I'd missed it!

It's way harder with little kids though, so I feel for you. The best advice I can think of is to prepare as much as possible the night before (baths, cloths, diaper bag) and to get up 20 minutes earlier than you think you need to get up.

Kris said...

All I can say to you is that you are doing an amazing job! I watch you and I am so impressed with what amazing parents you and Scott are to your sweet little family! Your sweetness shows!

Cherish the moments with your kids! They do grow fast! It is ok to make mistakes! This is how we grow and become better mothers, wives, daughters, friends.

I sure love you! You inspire me each and every day!

Lisa Johnson said...

Who ever said Sunday is a day of rest was not a mother and did not have a calling. LOL! Sundays are usually my most stressful day of the week. I think that's b/c Satan is trying his hardest to keep us from going to church. He doesn't want us there and he doesn't want us taking our kids there. I always remind myself of that on Sundays that seem so hard and trying. It's so hard for me a single Mom b/c I have no one to back me up or help out. But I remember one Sunday where Autumn was just being a little stinker and I looked and felt completely frazzled. The Bishop's wife came up to me and put her arm around me and said she remembers what it's like but to not give up and keep coming b/c what I am doing is important. That helped me so much, so I know you can do it! :)