Only The Strong Survive

The past week has been a difficult one.
Like...really, really hard.

Shouldn't there be a rule that mom's and kids cannot be sick at the same time.

Me: Double Ear Infection, Double Ear-drum rupture, Pink Eye, Upper Respiratory/sinus infection, Cough.
Wyatt: Double Ear Infection, Pink Eye, Upper Respiratory/sinus infection, Cough.
Sawyer: Pink Eye, Upper Respiratory/sinus infection, Cough.
Dylan: Upper Respiratory/sinus infection, Cough.
Kate: Cough.

Scott: NOTHING. He is the Last Man Standing. (Lucky Husband with the Immune System of Steel)

Last week was suppose to be rocking.

Wyatt Turned 1.
Valentine's Day.
Dylan Turned 8.
Lance & Terry came to town.

I did my best, but I was SO miserable.

The babies and I are on Anti-biotics but we still feel terrible. The best I felt all week was after I took Mucinex-D last night. My friend Shawri talked me into it and it really did make me feel better. Not even drinking the bottle of NyQuil helped this girl. Bummer.

It is so hard trying to take care of a family when you are sick. BOOOO.  Not to mention I am pretty much deaf right now and can't hear a thing. Not the phone ring, not the baby cry, not the kids fighting. And I missed another week of Church which really stinks. I so needed it yesterday. Scott & Dylan were the only one's that made it.

The good new is that the world goes on and somehow we make it through and forget it all. And I'm thinking a little bit of Spring could do that for me right about now.

And...

I miss the gym. (Crazy)

Week 3 Report & Weight In: Oh Crap

Alright people it is time to get serious. I'm lost in limbo. My brain is mentally defeating me.

It is time to get serious and kick some butt because I have a long road ahead of me. I still need to lose 30 lbs.

30 lbs.

Yikes, that is a small person.
I've gone downhill the past few weeks. I've been feeling sorry for myself. I packed up all of my baby stuff and gave it away. {insert tears}

I am having a hard time adjusting to the fact that I am probably {most likely but will still have to fast and pray about it} done having babies.

I wanted 20 of them you know. {And so did Scott which makes it even harder to accept}

But my poor body has been through a lot. And I have 4 beautiful children that need a mom that can take care of them.

So while I might visit this thought in the future...for now I need to be content, and grateful, and happy with what I have. {even though I really wish I was trying for another baby}

So there have been a lot of tears. I'm pretty sad. {REALLY SAD!}

And when my friend showed up on Saturday 

and took away all my sweet baby things, 

I opened up my heart to a different plan. 

Not the one I had ever had in my mind.

The one where I don't get to see those pink lines on that stick.

I won't get to see my stomach roll when I lay in the tub.

I won't feel the tiny impressions of those first few kicks.

I won't watch in amazement at the ultrasound on the monitor.

I won't feed a new little one for the first time.

I have some really deep soul searching to do.
Some prayers that need to be answered and peace that needs to be found.

I have never wanted to do anything but be a mother.

On the other hand, I can barely keep up with the kids that I have. So I have a lot still to learn. I still have little ones to love and hold and kiss and snuggle with. I have plenty of laundry to wash, floors to clean, towels to fold, meals to make, and carpools to drive.

I just find so much joy and contentment and love in adding to our family.

I secretly want to adopt two little Ethiopian kids. 

A girl and a boy.

Lucy and Luther.

Ya, they have names in my mind.

And maybe I will find them. Maybe they will find me.

Or maybe I will just have to give my love to others through service. Lose myself in serving the Lord.

I have been given so much already. SO much.

So I am committing now to stop feeling sorry for myself.
I'm going to start feeling gratitude everyday.
I'm going to discover what else I have to offer the world.
I'm going to keep working towards my health and fitness goals.

I am going to get there.
And awesome things are going to happen along the way.

Week 1 Report & Weigh-in

It is time to get back on track.

When I started this Journey of mine in September, I had no idea what the future would hold. I felt old, weak, slow, fat, out-of-shape, injured, sick and pretty disappointed in myself.

By the end of October I felt strong, awesome, powerful, healthy, fit, quick, in control, motivated, and excited about the future. I was PROUD of myself. All that in two months of being consistent. Quite the Profit.

In November I found out that I had to have a pretty intensive surgery and it sort of paralyzed my efforts. I was still working out like a machine, but I started eating my emotions and my fears a little bit. I fought it with everything that I had, but I was pretty scared and insecure about the future and it was defiantly playing a major roll in my weight loss. I was still proud of myself for continuing to workout...the old me would have quit.

And now December 15th has come and gone and I feel that it is a true miracle that I am doing so great. I feel great, I feel blessed, I feel FIXED.

So now what? I have NO more excuses. REALLY. None. I'm better than I could have ever hoped for. 

So here is to 2012.

A year of reaching my goals.

Pushing myself.

Being an example.

Overcoming my fear of failure.

Relying on the Lord for strength in moments of weakness.

Enjoying this body that I have.

Loving this body that I have.

Using this body that I have.

Today was my first day POST-OP in the gym. I took it easy. I tried to be smart. I felt like I wanted to fly.

It was hard not to do more. 

But, I felt strong. I felt awesome. I felt powerful and healthy and fit and quick and in control.

I am realizing just how much all that training did to help me prepare to recover from the surgery. When I found out about my surgery it felt like my efforts were wasted and I was going to have to start all over again.

But what really happened is that my training made ALL THE DIFFERENCE.

And while I gained a few pounds being idle and eating holiday treats, I didn't lose any muscle. And I didn't lose my vision.

So I'm back. And I could really use some company.

Do any of you want to join me?

This journey isn't just about losing weight. It is about getting FIT and LIVING LIFE.

What are your health and fitness goals this year?

I want to hear!!!!

(I'm not weighing in for another week or so. But I will soon. And I am being accountable.) 

I think I'm cured. Like really.

I have not leaked.

Urine.

All week.

{smile}

I started my period.

It is normal.

{smile}

Never.

And I mean Never.

Did I ever imagine.

That I would be so happy.

To menstruate.

But I am.

Happy.

{smile}

God is Good.

God is Great.

Miracles Happen.

{smile}

2012 is shaping up to be a Great Year.

Fabulous Year.

Exciting Year.

Adventurous Year.

Healthy Year.

Simpler Year.

Less expensive Year.

{smile}

I am happy.

p.s.

For any new reader's that might be puzzled by my menstruating gratitude, 

2011 has been an interesting year. 

My bladder was bisected during an emergency c-section. It was completely cut in half.

It did not heal correctly.

I had a fistula (tunnel or hole connecting two organs) form

between my bladder and my uterus.

I have had chronic infections due to this hole.

It lead to urine leaking out through my Uterus,

and to my periods emptying through my bladder.

I know. Weird.

But I think I'm cured.

Like REALLY.

Two weeks ago a man named

Dr. Vernon Cahoon

changed my life.

This man gave me BACK

my life.

How can I possibly ever repay him.

I can't.

My Hero.

Wednesday: Did You Know?

1. Christmas is amazing. I can't believe how much I love ribbon, wrapping paper, and family.  The kids love it too and Kate and Sawyer had so much fun decorating Papa. My dad is a kid at heart and is so patient with the kids. Isn't he cute!

 2. How cute is Sawyer rolling out the cookie dough that came in {this amazing Christmas Cookie Basket from the Folkman's}. You have to check out the link. It is the cutest Christmas Gift idea I've ever seen. Rachel is a genius, just like her mother and always puts together amazing theme ideas. It blew my mind, and my kids were the ones that benefited from the great gift. They had so much fun making and decorating cookies with Nana.

3. Before we left Utah on Tuesday, we hit up the Quicksilver store in Provo. Everything was 75% off and we scored. My favorite purchase was this flannel shirt for Sawyer. Oh my heavens I am in love with it. It cost me a Whopping 2 bucks. So cute.

4. I'm going to stop talking as much about my medical issues. There will be a few more posts, but I'm sure you are all sick of hearing about 'poor' me. So here it is. It is two weeks post surgery and I am FABULOUS!!! I can't believe how good I am. Miracle after Miracle have gotten me here and I feel so blessed to be doing so well. The worst part of the entire surgery was my rash, and the first time they filled up my bladder with fluid.

My catheter got a hole in the bag the night before I had it removed and so I had to double bag it with grocery bags. SO GROSS!!! But pretty funny.

I am TUBE free, PAIN free and I have no holes in my bladder or uterus that aren't supposed to be there! AMAZING! I feel so blessed.

5. Scott and I laid in bed last night while Sawyer was sleeping on the floor. (This happens a lot. Don't ask.) He started telling  us jokes and we were laughing so hard. I can't believe that he is almost 3. I have enjoyed him so much. Everything that he says or does is just magic. I sure have a soft spot for him in my heart. I love all my kids so much, but every mom should have a Sawyer.

6. Today, when I put Kate's hair up in pig tails I made her promise me that she would wash her hair tomorrow. It has seriously been a week since she washed her hair. Gross. She sure clean's up cute though.

7. Wyatt is getting really mobile and really brave. This is him yelling at me for trapping him in the living room with stools. I'm not sure what to do with him. He is everywhere. He is hilarious. And really smiley, as long as he is roaming free.

8. Scott left the house today and exclaimed "we are going to a family movie tonight if the house is clean when I get home." I know that this incentive was for the kids...but good grief, that is still a lot of pressure on me. I better get busy!

9. On Monday, Kimm, Nana and the clan took me and my Catheter to see A Dolphin's Tale (my first public outing with my pee). I cried about 10 times.  I dreamed of being a dolphin trainer as a child and still have a love for the Sea and it's creatures. Great movie. Scott ended up driving the two babies (yes I still call Sawyer my baby) around in the car for most of the movie. Thanks Scott.

10. My first night without my catheter and my first night with a working bladder I had to use the bathroom about every 45 minutes. This is worse than pregnancy. I literally felt like I was going to the bathroom all night long. (TMI I know!) Anyway, tell your bladder that you love it!

How was your Christmas?

What is the longest your daughter has gone without washing her hair?

Do you have a extra soft spot for any of your children?

Post-Op Thoughts...Lot's and Lot's

• Waking up from surgery and seeing Scott and my parents huddled in the corner with tears in their eyes was a moment in time I will never forget. Oh the blessed state of being alive!!!
• It is such a relief to have the surgery behind me. I will be very grateful to never have to stay in the hospital again. Ever. Never. Ever.
• It is funny realizing that the surgery has been way less painful than I thought it would be.
• I am also realizing that it is going to be a much longer recovery than I anticipated. When they said I wouldn't be lifting anything for 6 weeks they weren't kidding. I have two babies people. How am I going to make it?

• I tried so hard to read, sleep, watch movies, and blog, but I was a  total zombie. I couldn't do anything. My mind was a wasteland. The whole thing so far is one big blur.
• I was so grateful for visitors while I was in the hospital. I wish I would have had more visits. I can't believe how much it helped having people stop by.
• The surgery ended up taking 5 hours and I feel so bad for Scott who had to wait and wait and wait with no word from the Doctors.
• Dr. Cahoon explained the entire surgery to me in great detail after I woke up from the Anesthesia and I have no recollection of this whatsoever.
• Getting poked by nurses who can't find your veins is really annoying. And painful.

• This Bair Paws Machine is AMAZING and I wish I had one at home. It blows warm air out of a hose and I put it under my blankets and it kept me super comfortable and warm. Where was this machine when I had spinal meningitis?
• This was my first hospital visit ever where all the buttons on my bed worked. The TV remote worked, the lights worked, and even the rolling table worked with no problems. Luxury I tell you.
• If I had to say one bad thing about my stay it would be the food. They didn't have a menu. I really like when I get to plan what I eat instead of mystery meals just being brought in.

• This picture is Ashley. She is like a sister to me and she works at the hospital. After her shift she came in and helped me change, walk around my room for the first time. She was a great blessing to me and I love her so much. She was made to be a nurse. 

• Can you tell how stoned I am in this picture. My eyes were barely able to stay open, I couldn't focus on anything and I felt like I was flying. Those are strong drugs my friends. Strong.
• I had two catheters after the surgery and one drainage tube. I still have one catheter and it comes out of my stomach and it is really freaky. I have to carry it around with me and Sawyer calls it my "ewe, yukky poop bag". This makes me feel really loved. There is nothing worse than carrying around your own pee bag. EXCEPT for carrying around your own pee bag that isn't working. (Like last time. That was super painful.)

• Come one. Tell me how bad you wish you could carry around your own urine? When was the last time you told your bladder how much your loved it? Bladders are awesome. Bags of pee are not.
• My biggest worry was being able to go #2. I have had success. Nough' Said.

• I love Michael Buble. Love him. Not as much as my friend Laurel loves him, but he is most excellent. I rocked to his Christmas tunes while I was in the hospital. It helped.

• I have a beautiful 7 inch long incision that starts at by belly button and goes down, down, down. It is lovely. NOT.

• And seroiusly, NOTHING has made me feel better than having my sister JENNA put on these eyelash extensions. I love them. They make me feel feminine and girly, and a little bit less like an ugly jigsaw puzzle. BEST CHRISTMAS GIFT EVER JENNA. I LOVE YOU.

• The only complication that I have had is an allergic reaction to the glue and tape they used on my incision. It is completely scabbed over with blisters and such. It hurts and itches and looks terrible. 
• I've been taking Benedryl for the allergies and I have slept for the past three days straight. I have slept all day and all night. LITERALLY. 
• My Mother-in-law Shawna has taken over the care of everything at my house. EVERYTHING. Remember I told you that I have been sleeping for 3 days straight. She is remarkable.
• My friends and neighbors have taken care of all the food and meals so far. They are the best people in the world and I can't believe that I lucked out getting to live next to them.

Well, I am making it through this. It hasn't been easy. I will be happy when the catheter is taken out on Tuesday. For now I have given up all Christmas goals and ideas and projects. They just aren't going to happen. It is okay. I feel closer to my Savior than ever before. More aware of his mighty power and love for his children. More aware of his love for me, and his willingness to bear my afflictions.

I am so blessed. I am so humbled. I am so grateful.

I am alive. I am ticking.

And pretty soon I will be back to normal. And I will have to try a lot harder to remember where I have been, and what I have been through. But I am determined to remember these lessons, these little nuggets of wisdom, the gratitude for life that I have been given.

I am most likely not making sense, I am on drugs, remember?

But I am so blessed.

Remember that.

Love to  you all!!!!

PS. I've missed you. How are you all doing?

Pre-Op Thoughts

• I let the kids pack their own clothes. I hope they packed underwear.

• I sat Dylan and Kate down and told them how much I love being their mom. I told them that if God ever decided he needed me in heaven, to make sure that Scott found a beautiful, kind new wife. Dylan said, "like a step mom?" and I said "No, a REAL mom? And you would be super lucky to have two moms". He said, "ya two moms is great, but one mom is better if it is you." this made my heart smile. It was kind of a mature conversation, but I felt better for getting my wishes out there.

• I'm looking forward to hospital food. Is that weird?  

• I started crying when I was praying for my Surgeons. I was expressing how much they would be blessing my life if they could fix the problems and I completely lost it. How cool would it be to truly be able to change someone's life like that for good? Pretty awesome. 

• Scott is the best husband in the entire world. He helped me so much today and he knew just what to say. I love him. 

• Hoping that tomorrow I have one less hole in my bladder and one less hole in my Uterus. Fingers crossed. 

• Best case scenario I stop leaking fluids from all the wrong places and I get to have another baby. 

• Hoping the incision from my belly button down to my pubic bone isn't too hideous. 

• Grateful that the hospital is close to my parents house. 

• Grateful for my faith, my friends, my family, my husband, my children. 

• Watched an amazing documentary last night called Buck. Now all I can think of is riding horses

• I am blessed. 

I will check in tomorrow and let you know how it went. 

I love you all.

Spinal Meningitis Symptoms: Please Read!

{Please Read The Symptoms 

even if you don't have time to read the guts.}

Spinal Meningitis

• Severe & Worsening Headache 
• Extremely stiff neck and spine
• Fever & Chills
• Vomiting or loss of appetite
• Confusion
• Sensitivity to light

I am so heartbroken today. On Monday a Young Man passed away from meningitis. He left behind 3 children under the age of 4 and a pregnant wife. 

For those of you that don't know, I was hospitalized with Spinal Meningitis last year.

I want to quickly educate you on some of the basics of Meningitis.

First of all there is no way to know what kind of meningitis you or your child has without seeing your doctor and undergoing a spinal tap.

1. Viral meningitis may improve without treatment in a few days.
2. Bacterial meningitis is serious, and requires prompt antibiotic treatment to avoid serious brain damage, hearing loss and death. Some types of bacterial meningitis can prove fatal if not treated within the first 24 hours of symptoms.

The scariest thing about Meningitis is that it isn't easy to know if you have it. 

{Here is a brief account of my story}

August 24th of 2010 I was making dinner and started to get a headache. By the time 7:00pm rolled around and The Bachelor came on I was laying in bed with a really bad headache. I remember laying there trying to watch the show, but not really being able to concentrate on what was happening. My headache started at the front of my head and spread evenly and consistently over my head and started down the back of my head. The only way I can describe it was like putting on a headache helmet. It started in the front and as it got worse it just followed down my neck.

I was 14 weeks pregnant and thought that the headache was pregnancy related. I fell asleep and woke up at 11:00 pm. When I woke up I told Scott to go to the store and get me Excedrin and Sprite. Being pregnant, I knew I wasn't suppose to take anything, but I had gotten to the point that I didn't care. The fever and chills started in and I was so out of it. I fell asleep again and woke up at 4:00 in the morning. The house was quiet and I made my way to the kitchen. I opened up the cupboard and pulled out the Children's Tylenol and drank what was left in the bottle (not recommended). I got on my knees and started to pray. 

I asked Heavenly Father to please let me know if something was seriously wrong. I asked for guidance. It felt different from anything I had ever felt before. I knew I was really sick. I just didn't know if I needed treatment.

I got on the internet and started typing in my symptoms. I used the symptom checker at the MayoClininc.com. Meningitis was the first cause listed. I didn't have any idea what it was. My symptoms seemed to be exact.

I prayed again. I didn't want to feel like a fool if I showed up at the ER and only had the FLU. I wasn't sure what was wrong.

As I prayed I had the distinct impression that it was not worth risking the health of the baby and to get myself to the ER. 

By this time the Tylenol had kicked in a little and it was 6 am. I decided to drive myself to the ER (small town, only a few blocks away but still stupid in hindsight). When I got there I told them that I thought I had meningitis and I needed a spinal tap.

When the Dr. came into the room he told me...

"Having meningitis is like winning the lottery. 

It Doesn't happen that often, but when it does it is big."

 He told me my chances of having meningitis were small and that he didn't think I needed a spinal. 

I can only thank the Holy Ghost for confirming to me at that point that I needed to have a spinal. I told the doctor that I wanted to have the spinal and he agreed.

( I will just throw in here that having a spinal while being pregnant with meningitis was one of the most painful experiences of my life.)

Within an hour I had the results that I did in fact have meningitis. I was admitted into the hospital immediately.

It took 48 hours to confirm that I had viral meningitis and not bacterial, but my five day stay in the hospital was the best thing for me. I was so sick. Shaking, puking, stiff, weak, freezing, headache from HELL. It took almost a month for me to regain my strength to even be able to walk around my house. I thank my Heavenly Father for guiding me safely through it.

Please familiarize yourself with the symptoms so that if you or one of your children ever have them, you will recognize them. It could save lives.

I am so, so, so sad for this poor family.

Week 8 Report and Weigh-in

(CoCo, don't give up on me, New York Post coming tomorrow! Gosh I love you!)

Remember the last time that I posted about cutting out the Halloween Candy?

Ya, well...I sort of never did.

DANG IT!!!

I'm pretty mad about it too. I've been having some serious mental battles {like not wanting to have surgery on December 14th, but needing to have surgery on December 14th} and somehow I turn to food to make me feel better...ya...I know, I sound like I should have been on Oprah.

On Friday I was working out with Lisa {my super awesome trainer} and I started crying. I didn't even feel emotional, but I started sobbing and letting out all sorts of emotional baggage. BELIEVE ME, those people on the Biggest Loser are not a bunch of sissy cry-babies. I learned that there is a serious connection between being completely physically spent, and having a trainer ask you about 'what is holding you back'.

Duh...I AM HOLDING ME BACK.

After I got it together and got really honest about what I had been eating, I felt much better.

Honesty really is the best policy people.

So here is my mini-recap of the past month.

Hop on scale...

"Oh good, that chocolate didn't show up yet..."
"Oh man, yep, there it is..."
"What? I didn't eat that much chocolate.
"Help, I'm out of control!"

I really have felt a little bit out of control with my eating the past month. I have however stuck to my workout plan and so I feel really good about that.

I am back on track now and hopefully will have better numbers next week. And you are all going to me amazed as I LOSE WEIGHT DURING THANKSGIVING WEEK!!!

I will. Just watch.

Here we go again.

Starting Weight: 168lbs

Last Month's Weight: 157.8 lbs

Current Weight: 159.5 lbs

This Week's Weight Gain: 1.7 lbs

Wow, it feels better having that out. 

How are you doing with treats during the holidays?

Have you been giving in like me?

Do you ever feel out of control?

Week 7 Report and Weigh-in

Week 7 Report and Weigh-in

Great week. I'm having a hard time saying NO to all the holiday treats that are coming my way, so today I am committing to no sugar unless it is my day off. I get one of those a week. So GOODBYE Halloween candy and SUGAR cookies!!!

Monday Oct. 17
Upper body weights Shoulders and Tri's & HITT

Tuesday Oct. 18
Ab Ripper at home

Wednesday Oct.19
Lower body Weights

Thursday Oct. 20
Off

Friday Oct. 21
Upper body Weights Back and Bi's

Saturday Oct. 22

Lower Body Weights and Plyo

Weigh-in Report 

Starting Weight: 168lbs

Last Week Weight: 159 lbs

Current Weight: 157.8 lbs

This Week's Weight Loss: -1.2 lbs

Changes I've noticed.   

Physical: My clothes are starting to fit a little looser. Nice Perk!!! Friday night during our crazy Halloween scavenger hunt I was running and my pants fell off. That was a little embarrassing. BUT the KEYWORD was I was RUNNING!!! I felt fast too.  I was sprinting as fast as I could and I felt so good and ALIVE. My piriformis was not liking me too much on Saturday. Poor sciatic nerve. But I feel better this morning so WAHOO!!!!!

Mental: I've been justifying my eating a little bit so it is time to focus on that again. My workouts are going SO GREAT, no I just need to get my eating back on track and I know the results will come quicker!

Spiritual: I'm falling behind on my Book Of Mormon reading and it is stressing me out. I am trying to catch back up. I had three really great experiences  on The Sabbath and I love that.

Week 6 Report and Weigh-in

Week 6 Report and Weigh-in

Here it is. I played mental sabotage with myself this week. I doubted my abilities and my potential. I was a mess. I got in some pretty amazing workouts, but I sort of lost focus of my goal and gave into small edible temptations.  


The good news is that I am not making excuses for myself and I have my head back in the game.

Monday Oct. 10
Lower Body Weights

Tuesday Oct. 11
Upper Body Weights and HITT (With Trainer Lisa) Started new 4 day split with Super sets and plyo

Wednesday Oct.12
Lower body Weights

Thursday Oct. 13
Upper Body weights and HITT

Friday Oct. 14
Lower Body Weights and PLYO

Saturday Oct. 15 

Day Off

Weigh-in Report 

Starting Weight: 168lbs

Last Week Weight: 158.6 lbs 

Current Weight: 159.00 lbs

This Week's Weight Loss: +.4 lbs (OH man!)

Changes I've noticed... 

Physical: The new workouts that I am doing are amazing. I can hardly believe that I can do things that I couldn't have dreamed of just 6 short weeks ago. I am amazing myself everyday. I'm pretty proud of myself. And I can jump pretty high. Go Figure.

Mental: I already told you that I had some hard days last week. I had a bit of depression and self pity. I give in too easily sometimes.

Spiritual: I am facing some hard truths about myself.  I'm learning that I can do hard things. I am learning that I really can ask my Heavenly Father for help with getting in shape, or controlling my eating. I sometimes feel like I should be able to do it alone, but I am so much more capable when I rely on the Lord. (Duh!)

Week 5 Report and Weigh-in

Wow, 5 weeks down. I hit a wall again this week called the FLU. Oh man, it just never lets up. There is always something keeping me from doing what I want to do...but I made it through. I missed three workouts but oh well, this is life and I'm going to just keep going. (See my Sunday Post about Consistency!) My weight dropped to about 156 when I was in the middle of the FLU so I am happy that I was just able to re-hydrate and keep it down a little.

I want to make a point that this journey for me is NOT about the numbers. But the numbers are a good way to measure my progress. I don't have some magical number that I want to weigh. I just want to feel good, feel healthy, and feel light.

As for food I need to do a separate post on that. I am eating a lot of food, just good foods. I could probably lose weight faster if I cut my calories more, but I am nursing and trying to make a change that I can live with forever. So I'm following Michael Jordan's advice.

"I just eat enough to FLY!!!"

I hope that these posts aren't annoying. I think that they are playing a BIG role right now in my motivation and success. It is amazing how many times a day I think...oh boy, make a good choice, you have to weigh yourself on Monday and the whole world will know if you hit your goal.


Monday Oct. 3
Upper Body Weights & HITT

Tuesday Oct. 4
Lower Body Weights (With Trainer Lisa check her out {Here})

Wednesday Oct.5
Sick with the FLU. Boo!

Thursday Oct. 6
Flu.

Friday Oct. 7
Flu.

Saturday Oct. 8
Cardio and Abs

Weigh-in Report 

Starting Weight: 168lbs

Last Week Weight: 160.4 lbs 

Current Weight: 158.6

This Week's Weight Loss: -1.8lbs (I'm in the 150's!!! Watch me go!)

Changes I've noticed... 

Physical: I felt pretty crappy this week due to the flu, but I buttoned up some jeans that  I couldn't fit in before. Awesome. I am getting around so much easier. I don't think about my knees, hips, back at all anymore. 5 weeks of any kind of torture is worth that my friends.

Mental: I hate being sick, but I didn't lose my head and I couldn't wait to get better and get back in the gym. (Who am I?)

Spiritual: I've been spending A LOT  of time in my scriptures this week and WOW I am feeling so full of light and inspiration. 

Week Four Report and Weigh-in

Week Four Report and Weigh-in 

The Worth of a Soul

Well, another week has come and gone and I am still pursuing this goal of mine. I must say that it is hard work. But at the same time, it really isn't that hard. But it is taking FOCUS and EFFORT. 

Last week I received an email from a fellow blogger. 

Erin,

There is a scripture that says 'let thy soul delight in fatness.' 2 Ne 9:51. It has caused me some deep reflection because of my bodily injuries to my back and hips 6 years ago. I can't recover from them, and that keeps my body weight heavier than I want. It is so hard to look at my body without hurting for the old body I had. And yet every time I covet my old body, (which I'm trying so hard not to do) I feel as if the Lord tells me to focus on the new person I'm becoming. He wants me to focus on becoming spiritually fat... He wants me to stop being ashamed of Him and His ways - which I spent the first 30+ years of my life doing.

Who would ever think that losing my physical abilities and becoming physically fat that I would learn that I had been spiritually skinny (ashamed of Christ - YIKES!!) and that I needed to become spiritually fat and to start living what I said I believed, instead of being ashamed of it? Does that makes sense?

Since you are on a weight loss journey, I'd love to hear your thoughts on being spiritually fat..   

Sincerely,

S... 

I am going to use this post as a response to "S".

Dear S,

Thank you for your email. And thank you for following me on this Weight-Loss Journey. I would be a liar if I didn't admit to looking forward to a slimmer physique, feeling more attractive to my husband, having more energy and buying a cute pair of skinny jeans. But I want you to know that those are only some of the minor rewards that will follow the completion of this Goal of mine.

Now let me tell you what the driving force behind my Journey is.

The Lord sent me to this earth with a few gifts. My free agency. The Light of Christ. My Family. My Spirit. My Body.

It has taken me years to fully realize what a true gift having this body is. I haven't taken the best care of my body in the past. And just like you used the metaphor "Fatness" to describe your spiritual growth, I think I can flip it and describe it also as "Slim", "Conditioned", "Strong", "Powerful". I must tell you that this Journey for me is as much about as becoming Spiritually Conditioned as it is about becoming Physically fit. And it is Truly more about overcoming my WEAKNESSES {Ether 12:27} than it is about Vanity. 

You see, I've made a lot of excuses for myself, for a long time. Too many kids, injuries, no time, etc. But I was lying to myself. I wasn't doing ALL I COULD DO to take this body of mine and treat it like the TEMPLE that it is. Not my TEMPLE, but God's. {D&C 93:33-35}.  

1 Corinthians 6:19-20. 

 19 What? know ye not that your ^abody is the ^btemple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your^cown? 

 20 For ye are ^abought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s. 

The past year has been very eye opening to me.  There is a certain clarity that comes to you when your body starts to give out and stops working properly. I've spent much of the past year dealing with Sickness, Illness, Injury, and Pain and like I am in the Winter of my life and not the Summer. And while some of it isn't my fault, I can't help but wonder how much of it is. I feel that I need to take responsibility for what is in my control, when so many of my current health problems are out of my control. One thing that is in my control is my relationship with food, and my activity level. The only reason that I have gotten out of shape is overindulgence and idleness. (I am speaking for myself only). Both of these have led to laziness, and self-pity. So this journey is about taking control of what I CAN control: My choices.

There is a part in my patriarchal blessing that cautions and warns me to "take good care of this physical body." I don't know what the Lord has planned for me. I don't know if I will be blessed with more children, be called to serve another mission, or if I will still have health issues for the rest of my life. What I DO know is that I have received personal and specific direction from the Lord and I am following it. I want you to know that this is a Spiritual and a Physical Journey; the two just can't be separated, and I am learning so much already. 

Thanks for your email, 

Erin   

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Weekly Report

Monday Sept. 26
Upper Body Weights & HITT

Tuesday Sept. 27
Lower Body Weights

Wednesday Sept. 21
Upper Body Weights & HITT

Thursday Sept. 22
Day Off

Friday Sept 23
Day Off

Saturday Sept 24
Lower Body Weights.

Weigh-in Report 

Starting Weight: 168lbs

Last Week Weight: 162 lbs 

Current Weight: 160.4lbs (So close to the 150's)

This Week's Weight Loss: -1.6lbs 

Changes I've noticed... 

Physical: I am feeling good. I can't believe how much stronger I am. My hips and back have almost completely stopped hurting. I am amazed what a little muscle can do!!!

Mental: Wow. I struggled with eating healthy. I mean I did pretty good, but I gave in a few times and wish I would have been stronger. I feel pretty stable and unemotional which is nice. No mood swings, and I'm not as grumpy anymore from giving up Sugar.

Spiritual: There isn't much to say here. General Conference is amazing and I'm on the right track. So happy.