November 5, 2011

Utah Recap: A Surprise, Friends & Family, The Real Diagnosis

I was planning on heading to Utah on Tuesday, but decided last minute to pick up and leave on Halloween. It was perfect timing because Scott was HORRIFIED when he got home from work. He had quite a scare when he saw the piles of laundry and the sink full of dishes that I left him to take care of. Hee hee hee...I'm always sneaking out of my duties aren't I. Scott and Dylan stayed behind and I took the rest of the kids with me.

Kate, Sauce and Wiggs were waiting on the door step for Nana and Papa to open the door. 

It was an Awesome Surprise. 
They had NO idea we were coming.

Wyatt was so cute just sitting up like a big boy in his little Devil Costume.
My mom always has yummy bread bowls and soup waiting for visitors on Halloween so we hit the jackpot.

The Robinson's were over so we got to chat with them for a bit. It was so fun.

My Dad loves to sneak up on the kids wearing his fake teeth. Sawyer was a little bit scared.

We ventured next door to visit my Uncle Jeff and Aunt Pam. Holland was over visiting and I was so happy to see her. I'm in love with her and one of these days I'm taking her. Whit, you better keep a close eye on her. She is all mine! So cute.

Uncle Jeff also had a bag of gifts waiting to give to Kate. My kids love visiting Uncle Jeff's house. He always is sending them home with such nice gifts. Kate was thrilled and I couldn't believe how generous they are with my kids when they have about 200 of their own adorable grand kids. I love them.

Friends & Family

On our trip we got to see...

The REAL Diagnosis

Thursday I went in for my bladder scope. There is a fancy word for it but it escapes me. It was pretty uncomfortable and pretty painful. I tried to be strong but I started crying. I became really emotional when Dr. Cahoon found the hole (fistula) which I had been suspecting.

I'm not sure why I started crying so hard. 

It felt good to know that I wasn't crazy. 
It was scary knowing that I was going to have to have it fixed. 
It brought back a lot of painful memories from my recovery earlier this year.
It also brought up feelings of anger. 

Dr. Cahoon saw that I was emotional and let me get dressed and then meet him in his office. I was glad that my mom was with me. Some things are just too hard to do on your own.

At one point I because emotional again. I was feeling so angry. I was so mad that this had even happened to me in the first place and that nobody believed me or listened to me for the last 8 months.

I excused myself and went into the bathroom. I knelt down and started to pray. (I probably should have thought about this more because I had spilled my urine sample on the floor earlier. I wonder how much pee is on that floor. It has to happen all the time. I said a swear word when I spilled my urine and I NEVER swear. Gross.) I asked Heavenly Father to forgive me for being angry. I asked him to help me forgive my OBGYN and the nurse that poked the hole in my bladder. I started to feel grateful. Grateful that I am alive. Grateful that I found a Doctor that can help me get better. Grateful that I had been inspired to know what was wrong with myself. Grateful that I wasn't in pain. Grateful that I had a healthy family. Grateful that I was the one that was in need of help and not one of my children. Grateful that I was alive and not worse.

I found that I had a lot to be grateful for.

I was still really emotional as I went back into Dr. Cahoon's office to discuss the process of fixing me.

The Verdict:

It is a pretty intensive surgery. They will have to work to separate the bladder and the uterus. They will have to slice open the bladder again and remove all the bad tissue and all of the stuff that is in my bladder. (You don't even want to know). They will then close the bladder back up. They will also close up the hole in my Uterus. Then they will try to put new tissue between the Bladder and the Uterus. They will also try to pull down some of my Omentum (have you ever watched Dr. Oz?) and try to get it to lay between the two organs. Hopefully this will help them from joining each other again. There is a nice chance that I will also have a big huge scar heading north up to my belly button. I told the doctor that I am way past vanity and I just want to be BETTER

He sent me for a CT Scan on Friday. I've been having an issue with my bowel too so I am suppose to schedule a colonoscopy. I want to wait to see what the CT scan says before I do that though.

Okay, now I'm just rambling. I'm sure at some point I will talk more about this, but for now I am just going to be GRATEFUL I am on my way to recovery.

Have a great weekend folks.

Do you love Surprises?
Have you had a Colonoscopy?
Have you told your Bladder lately that you love it?
Have you ever spilled your urine sample?
What are you GRATEFUL FOR?


for you, love me said...

Geez Erin. I'm so glad they found out what it was. Thanks for sharing that story about persistence when people where doubting you. Thinking of you. xoxo.

Bryan and Carrie said...

A year ago today, at our 20 week ultrasound we were told that our baby would not live once born. I have experienced so much anger and gratitude in the past year. Reading your post tonight was validating and comforting to me in a lot of ways.

As much as I miss little miss Logan and her delicious cheeks I would not give up all that I have gained through this experience. Bryan and I are closer, I understand the eternal plan more than I ever thought I could and I got to have a perfect little baby to hold for 7 days.

I have dreaded this day but now that it is here it is just like every day. Hard work and rewarding. I am still grateful for so much and although I live each day with pain (different than yours, but pain nonetheless) I still am happy to have the experiences that I have had. I am a kinder and softer person because of what I have gone through.

I am grateful for this post of yours and that you are willing to share your life with all of us.

-Carrie Bostrom

Mom Fashion World said...

You are a strong woman. When everything seems tough, just think of those smiles and happy moments with your family. It really works for me.

Jocelyn Christensen said...

First of all, cute, cute cute pictures of the surprise! Fun!

Second of all, I want to hug you right now. Take care of yourself...thanks for being grateful!

Rozy Lass said...

What a blessing to have been led to that doctor and have your intuitions confirmed. I'm praying all goes well with your surgery. Life is way better when we feel good physically. Press forward with steadfast faith!

Quiltingranny said...

Your moms face was amazing! So glad you had a great visit!

Stephanie of Gumdrop Pass said...

First, thanks for stopping by and following me - I'm here to return the favor for your fantastic blog!

Secondly, VERY adorable family. :)

And thirdly, how completely strong, graceful and inspiring you are! I love your perspective -- and the way you write about your experiences. I'm happy to follow you and look forward to your future posts.

God bless! <3

Jill said...

It was such a great surprise to have you visit me at work and to bring me a drink! No one has ever done that before, so to have it be an out-of-state blogging friend was even more miraculous! Thanks!

I'm so glad you got a diagnosis and are able to have it fixed. You have really been through it this year.

Even though it's gross, the thought of you praying on the bathroom floor is sweet.

JULENE said...

First of all....I am so GREATFUL for you as a friend! I feel as though I have been a very ungreatful friend because I haven't been there for you through all of this. Second...a colonoscopy is a breeze. It is actually really nice to have the reasurance that there is a way to test and know that all is well. And Last....You are such an amazing inspiration to everyone. Thanks for your sweet posts.

JULENE said...

First of all....I am so GREATFUL for you as a friend! I feel as though I have been a very ungreatful friend because I haven't been there for you through all of this. Second...a colonoscopy is a breeze. It is actually really nice to have the reasurance that there is a way to test and know that all is well. And Last....You are such an amazing inspiration to everyone. Thanks for your sweet posts.

Team Hanni said...

Lots and lots of prayers from Alabama!

Ashley said...

So glad that you finally have an answer, just sorry that it took so long to get it. Praying that your surgery will go smoothly. :)

Brian and Emily said...

Oh Erin, what an ordeal you have been through. I wish Doctors would listen a little more when a woman speaks about her body. We know more than they do sometimes!! I am sorry about all the pain and stress and hope that the surgery goes well and they can restore you to perfect health, and that you get that 5th baby!! Love you Erin, sending sunshine from Canada!!

coco said...

i love the funny church stories, thanks for making me laugh! and i love the devil costume--i wish i would have seen that on halloween. your dad is hilarious too! in almost every post you make me laugh and make me cry.