Continued From Here
February 15, 2011
I had barely had time to sit on the bed when nurses started buzzing in around me. I knew them all. Haley, Julie and Tina...each performing their own task. One putting a gown on me, one giving me an IV, one trying to find the fetal heart rate on the monitor.
Trying to find the heart beat. Trying.
And this is when I closed my eyes. I put my right arm up over my face covering my eyes and I just tried to hide. Hide my emotions, my shock, my fears. I listened. I was shaking and tears were streaming down my cheeks. I couldn't bare it.
One nurse took over the monitor. I could feel the tension between the two nurses. The silence was unbearable. All I could hear was static.
And then after what seemed like an eternity...
He was there. He was still alive. He was still strong.
I still couldn't uncover my face. I couldn't look at anyone...I was in shock, shaking, cold, and starting to have strong contractions.
And for a brief moment I had a pretty normal thought about how in the world women have been enduring labor for all of time. How? It hurts so bad.
I was back in reality and knew that although things looked good on the monitor, something was wrong or I wouldn't be bleeding.
The room cleared for a brief moment and I asked Scott to give me a blessing. As he laid his hands on my head I felt a love that can only come from a father. My Heavenly Father. I don't remember what was said, only how I felt. I felt calm. Loved. Faithful. Even peaceful.
The room started buzzing again with nurses and Doctors.
My Dr. came into the room and for a minute I was able to joke light-heartedly about what had just taken place.
And for a moment, I allowed myself to feel excitement for the baby that I would (cross fingers) be holding very soon.
I told my Dr. to be careful. I told him that I wanted to have more kids. I told him to take his time and to put me back together better than he found me.
Who knew at that moment the irony that those words would soon possess?