(please enjoy this beautiful post from my friend Laurel over at Just Around This Corner. She has been the General Manager for TOFW and I met her back when I was working on the set of a music video for Jericho Road. She is my favorite. You'll love her too.)
I woke up this morning almost paralyzed.
The details are not important but I found myself stuck.
Completely stuck with fear.
Fear of what might be.
Fear of what might not.
Fear of what might have been.
Fear of what wasn't.
Simply put, I was a mess.
In the midst of what is truly the best time of my life, I am fighting waves of fear...disbelief...questions...doubts.
It's hard to admit because my TOFW message this fall (did you know I've been speaking at TOFW events? I'll be in Richmond and Phoenix and Salt Lake City too) is all about FAITH which is the antithesis of fear.
I had a moment during my message Friday night in Reno where I knew what I was saying was just for me. Because I had been struggling. I knew it. And He knew it. Thankfully, the women didn't know it.
But, it lasted all weekend.
And this morning, it was just too much.
I had a strong impression to open my scriptures and I found myself reading 1 Nephi 5.
The prophet Lehi has sent his sons back to Jerusalem to get the family records and scriptures. The boys haven't returned and Lehi's wife Sariah is certain the boys have perished. She is certain.
And she's mad. Really mad.
Lehi's response is interesting to me.
He reminds his wife he had a vision and never would have left Jerusalem had he not had the vision. He was simply following the Lord.
And in all the times I have read that chapter, I have never noticed his next choice of words.
His past-tense choice of words.
"I have obtained a land of promise, in the which things I do rejoice..." (vrs. 5)
Did you catch that?
Lehi is in the wilderness.
They have yet to journey to, let alone arrive in, the land of promise he was, well, promised.
And yet, he talks as if he is already there.
As if the Lord has already given it to him.
Oh I love that.
And do you want to know why?
One of the cross references takes you to Ephesians 1:11:
"In whom we have obtained an inheritance, being predestinated according to the purpose of Him who worketh all things after the counsel of His own will."
Lehi trusted that God keeps His promises.
He trusted that God's promises were set in motion long ago.
And if God keeps His promises that were set in motion long ago, Lehi could live as if God already had kept this promise and that it had been given to Lehi already.
No matter the darts of questioning and disbelief and doubt the Adversary tries to throw my way to convince me, like he did Sariah, that the end is already written...and that it doesn't end up the way God has promised me it will...No matter, I can choose to believe like Lehi.
Because I either believe God's promises to me or I don't.
I either believe God's promises were put in place long ago or they weren't.
And I believe His promises.
And I believe they are in place.
I believe there IS a story already written but it's HIS story for me.
The one that is "predestinated according to His purpose".
And if I believe that, well,
then I, like Lehi, can say "I have obtained."
And I, like Lehi, can live as if I already have.