Yesterday I sat down with Dylan to help him learn to tie his shoes. Yes, he is almost 8 and still hadn't quite captured the skill. At first I was very calm and reassuring, and with in a matter of minutes I found myself getting so frustrated with him. I was saying things like:
- Dylan it is so easy
- Are you even paying attention
- Look, right here. RIGHT HERE!!!
- OH, come on.
- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I'm pretty sure it was a very unpleasant experience for him. I made him do it over and over and over again.
It took him about 15 minutes and then he got it. Afterward, I found myself asking him, "Dylan, your mom has no patience. Am I mean?" He was so excited that he could tie his own shoes that he just kept saying, "Mom, I can tie my shoes, you aren't mean."
I find myself losing my temper a lot. I feel like I could not love and adore my kids more than I do, but I still have such a hard time with not raising my voice and using a kind tone. I tend to boil over really silly and unimportant things.
I grew up with a Dad that never, ever in my whole life, EVER lost his temper with me. EVER. Did I mention EVER, EVER, EVER? I know. It is pretty rare. He is a very amazing man. A very patient man. And he was raised by a father that NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER lost his temper with him.
I was so blessed to be raised by such a kind, loving, patient man.
So, I'm pretty sure that I need to figure this temper thing out. And quick. Being a Mother is a sure test of patience. If I can't learn it now, I never will.
I think that when I am really thinking about it, and really making an effort, it is so much easier to stay calm and rational. My kids are so wonderful. They are smart, healthy, kind, tender and sensitive. I love them so much. They are helpful, and capable and I expect a lot out of them.
I've been thinking a lot today about what I can do to not get to the point of losing control and acting like a kid myself.
Do you have any suggestions? I would love for you to share some of the things that work for you. This is me, humbly asking for your help.
What helps you to be patient with your kids?
What works in your home to help keep harmony?
Do you ever feel like you are mean?
Do you ever lose your temper?
Did you have a parent that never lost their temper, Ever, Never, Ever?
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And here are a few pictures of the kids before our church party.
And one picture of a tired boy after.
8 comments:
Dustin and I talk about raising kids every once in a while and Lance's name ALWAYS comes up, without fail. The man is incredible. I constantly feel like he loves me, without him even saying a thing. He's the best, isn't he?
But Erin, you're an amazing mom. Your kiddos are lucky to have you. I miss you guys. Come down here soon and visit.
I can't remember how I found your blog- maybe through the BoM forum this month. But I wanted to say that I have been having these EXACT thoughts about my mothering lately. I have noticed that if I have gotten a decent amount of sleep the night before and have said my morning prayer that I can catch myself before I lose it. If only one or none of those things happen, it's like a coin toss if I can keep from exploding. It is something I am continually working on and probably will have to work on for the rest of my life because it just doesn't come naturally to me. Good luck! If you find something that helps you, please share!
Erin, you know I struggle with this too. :) I think the best thing to do is just keep praying and keep trying! Know we are gonna mess up from time to time, but patience and love grow more and more everyday, and soon (when our kids are grown and moved out) we will be perfect moms! lol. You are a wonderful mom, and I KNOW how much you love your kiddos. You are a great example of humility and help the rest of us know we are not the only ones to go through the trials of learning patience with our children. LOVE YOU!
I think everyone feels the way you do, it's normal. I know I feel that often.
I am a new reader from the Follow Fest!
My mom said the thing that helped her the most was asking for a spirit of gratitude each and every morning for her children.
Also, whenever you lose your temper you apologize. This is just as valuable as never losing your temper since your children learn about repentance, and forgiveness, and that no one is perfect, and what to do when you mess up.
I agree with Liz. Sleep and prayer (and I would add scripture reading) work some real magic.
I also agree with the others about prayer, reading scriptures, and apologizing when you mess up.
I would also add that when I repented of setting my heart on worldliness, I began to see myself and my children as eternal spiritual beings with a loving father in heaven. It helps me be more in control because I see myself and my children as beings who are learning for the first time on this earth. We've never been here, and never had these experiences. It helps to have that perspective.
I grew up with a father who completely ignored me from the time I was 8ish. That was an incredibly harsh thing to deal with. So, my perspective comes from that vantage point.
I love that you are worried about it. It shows how much you care!
I have thought a lot about this as well recently. As I was reading the Book of Mormon this weekend I read Ether 12:27, and it occurred to me that my impatience is absolutely one of my weaknesses, but now that I recognize it, if I will humble myself, the Lord will make it a strength. I am seeking that blessing in prayer now.
One of the things we like to do to keep the atmosphere peaceful is to have hymns, or other church cd's playing almost all of the time. I've found that it makes a HUGE difference in the atmosphere of our home!
I'm constantly working on my temper and lack of patience. The problem is I grew with parents who both lost their patience quite often so I really have it programmed in me to follow suit. Thank God I have a wonderful husband who intercedes on my behalf and is constantly supporting me in my fight to be patient and gentle. I can tell that I've changed by 50% but that doesn't mean it's all downhill from here. Still struggling but not as much.
I'm following you. I would love it if you returned the favor.
Rhonda
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