The Cokeville Miracle Review

Have you seen The Cokeville Miracle yet? It is based on Actual Events, which are always my favorite type of movies.

It is the story of a hostage crisis in an Elementary school and the miracle that took place when a bomb went off and not one child was injured. Many of the children reported seeing angels.

Scott and I saw this movie in the theatre and it was incredible. I strongly recommend it. It promotes faith, love, community and courage. You can get your very own copy at:

                       DESERET BOOK or at AMAZON.

 

A Surprise For 2015. What the?

 

For those of you that still follow this blog I wanted to include you in our exciting announcement. Sometimes life comes with impossible surprises and we have received such a gift. The followers of this blog know that after my last surgery to fix my bladder and my uterus I was warned not to have any more children because of the hish risk involved. And to be honest, we weren't even sure it would be possible. But the Lord had a different plan for our family and we are so grateful.

Our best Family Home Evening ever! Scott Peterson
Posted by Erin Peterson on Friday, July 24, 2015

 

And our Gender Reveal was fun too.

We are so excited and blessed to be expecting a baby girl in January 2016.

God is so good and we are truly blessed and amazed by this incredible miracle he has performed.

Top Ten Reasons "It's probably time to have another baby"!

I think that all my friends know that I wish I was pregnant. I'm pretty sure I bore everyone to death with my sob story of how bad I WANT another baby. Scott and I have always dreamed of having a large family and while we love and cherish each of our kids, it is hard not being able to grow into the family we wish we had.

After Wyatt was born we were warned about the dangers of my Uterus being able to carry another infant to term and the risks associated with attempting another pregnancy.

I had surgery to try and help my uterus be more viable and the Lord knows that we are both willing, however, so far we have not been given the approval of the Lord to try and have another baby.

So while we are in this waiting game, and while our window of opportunity is getting smaller, I often find myself laughing and crying about the silly things I find my baby hungry self doing.

Sometimes I even find myself mourning the kids I never got to have.

So here is my list, from my own experience of course, for all of you that are perfectly capable of having another healthy pregnancy, of how you will know when "It's probably time to have another baby."

Here Goes!

Top Ten reasons "It's probably time to have another baby"!

10. When your kids start complaining to you that they have nothing to do, it's probably time to have another baby.

9. If you're still keeping track of when you ovulate each month and every time you think to yourself..."Ya baby, I'm fertile", it's probably time to have another baby.

8. If you find yourself procrastinating potty-training your 3-year old and you DON'T want to give up diapers, it's probably time to have another baby.

7. If you're out in your garden digging holes for tulip bulbs and you start imagining placing each bulb into a healthy uterus, it's probably time to have another baby.

6. When you daydream about a total stranger walking up to you and giving you their baby, it's probably time to have another baby.

5. When your younger kids start acting demanding and entitled, it's probably time to have another baby.

4. When you find yourself contemplating buying a puppy for $850.00 dollars and  you have never even considered having a dog, it's probably time to have another baby.

3. When you find yourself borrowing babies to snuggle at church and not wanting to give them back, it's probably time to have another baby.

2. If you find yourself randomly picking up your 90 lb. 10 year old, and walking around the house with him cradled in your arms singing tender lullaby's, it's probably time to have another baby.

1. When you actually start volunteering to change your friends baby's poopy diapers, it's probably time to have another baby.


Well, I now officially have rid my house of any leftover baby items. They are gone. I'm adjusting to the idea that I need to just be a great mom to the wonderful kids I do have and keep borrowing babies at church.

Have any of you ever felt similar?

Happy Easter Friends & Family

Happy, happy Easter to all of you dear people out there. What a special day it is today! I hope you all have time today to reflect on the miraculous Resurrection of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Hallelujah!

Forgetting Anniversaries

What is it about Anniversaries?

Why are some anniversaries so easy to forget and some seem to cling to us. Some are special and filled with so much meaning, some bring pain, some remind us of what we have lost or what we have gained; and every year they deliver their dose of remembering. It is just one date on the calendar and yet life seems to culminate to that ONE big day lurking right around the corner.

A year ago today is the day I woke up in a pool of blood. A year ago today my medical problems started.

A year ago today is the day that my perfect, sweet baby Wyatt came into this world.

Happy Birthday Wyatt.

Your journey into this world was not an easy one. We almost lost you. And my body took a beating for it. But never for one second did I ever, ever, ever not feel complete gratitude that you made it here to me. You see, you made every painful tear, every surgery, every infection, every ER trip worth it.

SO WORTH IT!

Having you to hold in my arms gave me the strength to fight through the hurt. You gave me such a gift Wyatt. Having you made everything okay. It made it so easy to forgive the medical mistakes, to fight through the painful nights, to laugh when I wanted to cry, to fight when I wanted to give up, to move forward when it was all said and done.


But Anniversaries are a funny thing.
It seems only fitting that you came into this world fighting for your life, and I've spent the past year fighting to get mine back.
And here we both are, on your birthday, with terrible, terrible colds. Coughing, sneezing, and wiping our noses, with Pink Eye to boot. But we are sharing it together and I love you even more because of it.

It is me and you kid.
You are my miracle.
You are my sweet baby boy.

I love you to the moon and back, over and over, again and again, you shine in so many ways and my heart has been stretched to capacity because of you.

Happy Birthday Wyatt.

Love, Mama
xoxo

Sunday Thoughts: Sifting Souls

I rolled over in bed to make eye contact with Scott...

"Are you ready for this?", I said.

I had already pushed snooze every 5 five minutes for the last hour and a half. We were both clinging to the edges of our bed as Sawyer's head rested near Scott's chest and his feet were pushing on my thigh. I closed my eye's and reopened them to watch Scott rise. Somehow it always feels easier to get up when I am following behind Scott.

Thank the heaven's for Sunday Mornings.

~~~~

*Image found {Here}

My family gains so much from attending church on Sunday mornings. Some mornings run smoothly, and some are chaotic, but NEVER do I ever regret getting my family into that chapel. There is such a peace and comfort that I receive at church that fuels me for the coming week. Taking the sacrament and renewing my covenants each week helps to keep me focused on what really matters in life.

For the past few weeks I've been trying to prepare for next Sunday when Scott and I will be speaking to the Stake Single Adults at their monthly fireside.

I've decided to title my talk Sifting Souls. I was inspired by Kim over at Oh, Sweet Joy. Her post entitled Sift My Soul really moved me and got me thinking.

Who is Jesus Christ?

He is a Soul Sifter.

He reaches into us, moves around all that we are, and helps rid us of our impurities. It isn't always comfortable and sometimes we get jarred around quite a bit.

I've been thinking a lot about how he Sifts our Soul's. For me most recently it has been through injury, illness and infirmity. For some it is through loss. It can be through the Holy Ghost, the scriptures, a sermon at church, financial struggles, unemployment, or loneliness. The list can go on forever. The one thing that is certain is that we all need to be sifted. 


And I think that the Lord uses all of these opportunities to search our souls and to heal us.

On Christmas Eve, Ryan and Kelly Pack were traveling to their home in American Fork, UT, when a SUV crossed the median and hit their car head on. Their life was changed instantly. They sustained very critical injuries and on Christmas Day their sweet 18 month old son passed away.

I don't know this family, but I can grieve with them. I know that this will be a time of a great sifting in their lives. They will have to rely on their faith and on their Savior to survive.

I wanted to share with you a sweet video that was made of Colum's funeral. I warn you that it is very hard to watch and contains quite sensitive footage, but I assure you it is beautiful. I wonder if the Lord won't sift our souls as we watch it.


Colum Jacob Pack Funeral 6/29/2010 - 12/25/2011 from Kenny Bozich on Vimeo.

Please if you have any thoughts or feelings regarding this post will you please share them with me as I am preparing to speak on this subject next Sunday. I would really appreciate it.

And if you would like to donate to the Pack Family you can do so {HERE}.

Wednesday: Did You Know?

1. Christmas is amazing. I can't believe how much I love ribbon, wrapping paper, and family.  The kids love it too and Kate and Sawyer had so much fun decorating Papa. My dad is a kid at heart and is so patient with the kids. Isn't he cute!

 2. How cute is Sawyer rolling out the cookie dough that came in {this amazing Christmas Cookie Basket from the Folkman's}. You have to check out the link. It is the cutest Christmas Gift idea I've ever seen. Rachel is a genius, just like her mother and always puts together amazing theme ideas. It blew my mind, and my kids were the ones that benefited from the great gift. They had so much fun making and decorating cookies with Nana.

3. Before we left Utah on Tuesday, we hit up the Quicksilver store in Provo. Everything was 75% off and we scored. My favorite purchase was this flannel shirt for Sawyer. Oh my heavens I am in love with it. It cost me a Whopping 2 bucks. So cute.

4. I'm going to stop talking as much about my medical issues. There will be a few more posts, but I'm sure you are all sick of hearing about 'poor' me. So here it is. It is two weeks post surgery and I am FABULOUS!!! I can't believe how good I am. Miracle after Miracle have gotten me here and I feel so blessed to be doing so well. The worst part of the entire surgery was my rash, and the first time they filled up my bladder with fluid.

My catheter got a hole in the bag the night before I had it removed and so I had to double bag it with grocery bags. SO GROSS!!! But pretty funny.

I am TUBE free, PAIN free and I have no holes in my bladder or uterus that aren't supposed to be there! AMAZING! I feel so blessed.

5. Scott and I laid in bed last night while Sawyer was sleeping on the floor. (This happens a lot. Don't ask.) He started telling  us jokes and we were laughing so hard. I can't believe that he is almost 3. I have enjoyed him so much. Everything that he says or does is just magic. I sure have a soft spot for him in my heart. I love all my kids so much, but every mom should have a Sawyer.

6. Today, when I put Kate's hair up in pig tails I made her promise me that she would wash her hair tomorrow. It has seriously been a week since she washed her hair. Gross. She sure clean's up cute though.

7. Wyatt is getting really mobile and really brave. This is him yelling at me for trapping him in the living room with stools. I'm not sure what to do with him. He is everywhere. He is hilarious. And really smiley, as long as he is roaming free.

8. Scott left the house today and exclaimed "we are going to a family movie tonight if the house is clean when I get home." I know that this incentive was for the kids...but good grief, that is still a lot of pressure on me. I better get busy!

9. On Monday, Kimm, Nana and the clan took me and my Catheter to see A Dolphin's Tale (my first public outing with my pee). I cried about 10 times.  I dreamed of being a dolphin trainer as a child and still have a love for the Sea and it's creatures. Great movie. Scott ended up driving the two babies (yes I still call Sawyer my baby) around in the car for most of the movie. Thanks Scott.

10. My first night without my catheter and my first night with a working bladder I had to use the bathroom about every 45 minutes. This is worse than pregnancy. I literally felt like I was going to the bathroom all night long. (TMI I know!) Anyway, tell your bladder that you love it!

How was your Christmas?

What is the longest your daughter has gone without washing her hair?

Do you have a extra soft spot for any of your children?

Post-Op Thoughts...Lot's and Lot's

• Waking up from surgery and seeing Scott and my parents huddled in the corner with tears in their eyes was a moment in time I will never forget. Oh the blessed state of being alive!!!
• It is such a relief to have the surgery behind me. I will be very grateful to never have to stay in the hospital again. Ever. Never. Ever.
• It is funny realizing that the surgery has been way less painful than I thought it would be.
• I am also realizing that it is going to be a much longer recovery than I anticipated. When they said I wouldn't be lifting anything for 6 weeks they weren't kidding. I have two babies people. How am I going to make it?

• I tried so hard to read, sleep, watch movies, and blog, but I was a  total zombie. I couldn't do anything. My mind was a wasteland. The whole thing so far is one big blur.
• I was so grateful for visitors while I was in the hospital. I wish I would have had more visits. I can't believe how much it helped having people stop by.
• The surgery ended up taking 5 hours and I feel so bad for Scott who had to wait and wait and wait with no word from the Doctors.
• Dr. Cahoon explained the entire surgery to me in great detail after I woke up from the Anesthesia and I have no recollection of this whatsoever.
• Getting poked by nurses who can't find your veins is really annoying. And painful.

• This Bair Paws Machine is AMAZING and I wish I had one at home. It blows warm air out of a hose and I put it under my blankets and it kept me super comfortable and warm. Where was this machine when I had spinal meningitis?
• This was my first hospital visit ever where all the buttons on my bed worked. The TV remote worked, the lights worked, and even the rolling table worked with no problems. Luxury I tell you.
• If I had to say one bad thing about my stay it would be the food. They didn't have a menu. I really like when I get to plan what I eat instead of mystery meals just being brought in.

• This picture is Ashley. She is like a sister to me and she works at the hospital. After her shift she came in and helped me change, walk around my room for the first time. She was a great blessing to me and I love her so much. She was made to be a nurse. 

• Can you tell how stoned I am in this picture. My eyes were barely able to stay open, I couldn't focus on anything and I felt like I was flying. Those are strong drugs my friends. Strong.
• I had two catheters after the surgery and one drainage tube. I still have one catheter and it comes out of my stomach and it is really freaky. I have to carry it around with me and Sawyer calls it my "ewe, yukky poop bag". This makes me feel really loved. There is nothing worse than carrying around your own pee bag. EXCEPT for carrying around your own pee bag that isn't working. (Like last time. That was super painful.)

• Come one. Tell me how bad you wish you could carry around your own urine? When was the last time you told your bladder how much your loved it? Bladders are awesome. Bags of pee are not.
• My biggest worry was being able to go #2. I have had success. Nough' Said.

• I love Michael Buble. Love him. Not as much as my friend Laurel loves him, but he is most excellent. I rocked to his Christmas tunes while I was in the hospital. It helped.

• I have a beautiful 7 inch long incision that starts at by belly button and goes down, down, down. It is lovely. NOT.

• And seroiusly, NOTHING has made me feel better than having my sister JENNA put on these eyelash extensions. I love them. They make me feel feminine and girly, and a little bit less like an ugly jigsaw puzzle. BEST CHRISTMAS GIFT EVER JENNA. I LOVE YOU.

• The only complication that I have had is an allergic reaction to the glue and tape they used on my incision. It is completely scabbed over with blisters and such. It hurts and itches and looks terrible. 
• I've been taking Benedryl for the allergies and I have slept for the past three days straight. I have slept all day and all night. LITERALLY. 
• My Mother-in-law Shawna has taken over the care of everything at my house. EVERYTHING. Remember I told you that I have been sleeping for 3 days straight. She is remarkable.
• My friends and neighbors have taken care of all the food and meals so far. They are the best people in the world and I can't believe that I lucked out getting to live next to them.

Well, I am making it through this. It hasn't been easy. I will be happy when the catheter is taken out on Tuesday. For now I have given up all Christmas goals and ideas and projects. They just aren't going to happen. It is okay. I feel closer to my Savior than ever before. More aware of his mighty power and love for his children. More aware of his love for me, and his willingness to bear my afflictions.

I am so blessed. I am so humbled. I am so grateful.

I am alive. I am ticking.

And pretty soon I will be back to normal. And I will have to try a lot harder to remember where I have been, and what I have been through. But I am determined to remember these lessons, these little nuggets of wisdom, the gratitude for life that I have been given.

I am most likely not making sense, I am on drugs, remember?

But I am so blessed.

Remember that.

Love to  you all!!!!

PS. I've missed you. How are you all doing?

Spinal Meningitis Symptoms: Please Read!

{Please Read The Symptoms 

even if you don't have time to read the guts.}

Spinal Meningitis

• Severe & Worsening Headache 
• Extremely stiff neck and spine
• Fever & Chills
• Vomiting or loss of appetite
• Confusion
• Sensitivity to light

I am so heartbroken today. On Monday a Young Man passed away from meningitis. He left behind 3 children under the age of 4 and a pregnant wife. 

For those of you that don't know, I was hospitalized with Spinal Meningitis last year.

I want to quickly educate you on some of the basics of Meningitis.

First of all there is no way to know what kind of meningitis you or your child has without seeing your doctor and undergoing a spinal tap.

1. Viral meningitis may improve without treatment in a few days.
2. Bacterial meningitis is serious, and requires prompt antibiotic treatment to avoid serious brain damage, hearing loss and death. Some types of bacterial meningitis can prove fatal if not treated within the first 24 hours of symptoms.

The scariest thing about Meningitis is that it isn't easy to know if you have it. 

{Here is a brief account of my story}

August 24th of 2010 I was making dinner and started to get a headache. By the time 7:00pm rolled around and The Bachelor came on I was laying in bed with a really bad headache. I remember laying there trying to watch the show, but not really being able to concentrate on what was happening. My headache started at the front of my head and spread evenly and consistently over my head and started down the back of my head. The only way I can describe it was like putting on a headache helmet. It started in the front and as it got worse it just followed down my neck.

I was 14 weeks pregnant and thought that the headache was pregnancy related. I fell asleep and woke up at 11:00 pm. When I woke up I told Scott to go to the store and get me Excedrin and Sprite. Being pregnant, I knew I wasn't suppose to take anything, but I had gotten to the point that I didn't care. The fever and chills started in and I was so out of it. I fell asleep again and woke up at 4:00 in the morning. The house was quiet and I made my way to the kitchen. I opened up the cupboard and pulled out the Children's Tylenol and drank what was left in the bottle (not recommended). I got on my knees and started to pray. 

I asked Heavenly Father to please let me know if something was seriously wrong. I asked for guidance. It felt different from anything I had ever felt before. I knew I was really sick. I just didn't know if I needed treatment.

I got on the internet and started typing in my symptoms. I used the symptom checker at the MayoClininc.com. Meningitis was the first cause listed. I didn't have any idea what it was. My symptoms seemed to be exact.

I prayed again. I didn't want to feel like a fool if I showed up at the ER and only had the FLU. I wasn't sure what was wrong.

As I prayed I had the distinct impression that it was not worth risking the health of the baby and to get myself to the ER. 

By this time the Tylenol had kicked in a little and it was 6 am. I decided to drive myself to the ER (small town, only a few blocks away but still stupid in hindsight). When I got there I told them that I thought I had meningitis and I needed a spinal tap.

When the Dr. came into the room he told me...

"Having meningitis is like winning the lottery. 

It Doesn't happen that often, but when it does it is big."

 He told me my chances of having meningitis were small and that he didn't think I needed a spinal. 

I can only thank the Holy Ghost for confirming to me at that point that I needed to have a spinal. I told the doctor that I wanted to have the spinal and he agreed.

( I will just throw in here that having a spinal while being pregnant with meningitis was one of the most painful experiences of my life.)

Within an hour I had the results that I did in fact have meningitis. I was admitted into the hospital immediately.

It took 48 hours to confirm that I had viral meningitis and not bacterial, but my five day stay in the hospital was the best thing for me. I was so sick. Shaking, puking, stiff, weak, freezing, headache from HELL. It took almost a month for me to regain my strength to even be able to walk around my house. I thank my Heavenly Father for guiding me safely through it.

Please familiarize yourself with the symptoms so that if you or one of your children ever have them, you will recognize them. It could save lives.

I am so, so, so sad for this poor family.

Self Diagnosis

I have to write this down. 

Feel free to NOT read this post if it is just too much information.

Remember last year when I was at the emergency room and the ER doctor told me that my chances of having spinal meningitis were about as good as me winning the LOTTERY???
And remember when he told me not to have a spinal, but that it was up to me?
And remember how hard it was for me to decide to have a spinal but I just went with my deepest feelings which I feel to be right? (thank you Holy Ghost)
And remember when I did have Spinal Meningitis {What a way to win the lotto?} and ended up spending a week in the hospital?

Well I remember. It was so weird. But through prayer and the Holy Ghost I just sort of knew what was wrong with me.

And now I think that I have Menouria. If you knew how rare this is you would probably not pay much attention to me just like my Doctors.

Menouria is { Menstruation occurring through the urinary bladder as a result of vesicouterine fistula}

So far I'm the only one who thinks that I have this, but I REALLY think that I do.

Remember last month when I posted that horrible picture of my urine {Here}.

Well it started again today. Just out of the blue. Perfect urine...straight to Bleeding To Death Urine. So this has happened {THREE} consecutive months in a row.

Remember when my Doctor completely bisected my bladder during my C-section in February?
Remember how he then had to sew my bladder closed and I lost half of the size of my bladder?
Remember then how the nurse shoved the Foley of my catheter through my suture line and blew the Foley up inside of my Uterus.

Ya, well I think that there is still a hole there {fistula}. And I think that this is why I am so prone to infection, incontinence, and bleeding every month.

I know that people are going to think that I am nuts, but I'm going with it.

I have two doctor's appointments in American Fork next week and I am really {cross fingers} hoping that they will be able to figure out what is wrong with me.

I'm actually REALLY hoping that I am wrong. Because if I am right it will mean a major surgery to correct it.

So until I know more I am just going to keep saying my prayers, taking care of myself, working out, eating right, and trying to stay positive {which is kind of getting hard. Good thing I have the whole month of November to think about my blessings and be thankful}.

I have much to be thankful for. I really do.

Okay, I feel better.

Credit Card Fraud = Horror...American Express Blue = Love.

Last month Dominic Cifarelli  and Morokath Redman used my credit card to rack up over $6000.00 dollars in Airline tickets. I'm sure you can imagine the anxiety and the panic that I felt when I opened up my credit card statement.

Oh.
My.
Word.

It amazes me that people are okay with being so dishonest.

It totally blows my mind.

Maybe they didn't have a good mom like I did who made them walk back into the grocery store at the age of six and return the stolen candy-bar. Or maybe they just need a Bishop that looks them in the eye's every year and asks them if they are honest in ALL their dealings.

I just don't get it.

Needless to say I felt violated.

So I called up American Express to try and resolve the issue and their customer service was EXCELLENT.

Not only did they treat me like I was the victim, they didn't blame me or try to ask me a million questions. They just thanked me for my ongoing membership and took care of it all for me.

Took.
Care.
Of.
It.

People, this really happened. Like, in real life.


They just took care of it for me.

What?

Amazing. And I promise that this is not an advertisement for American Express. But I will be a Member for Life.

AmEx = Love

Liars = Stoopid (with two o's)

PS. I found this crazy lady picture on the web, but I think it kind of looks like me if you don't look to close and if you blur your eyes a little and if the room is dim. ;)

Thinking of Emmie...

A year ago today, my dear friend Tiffany's daughter Emmie, passed away.

Emmie:

She was a miracle from the moment she was born.

She was an Angel.

Her life mattered.

She was a Teacher.

She was Daughter.

She was a Sister.

She loved Strawberry Shortcake.

I never met her.

I'm really sad about that.

But I do love her.

And I have learned from her.

And I do miss her.

And today is going to be a hard day for her family.

But everyday is.

Today they will be in the Temple together.

Feeling a little bit closer to Heaven.

Remembering the promises that they have been given.

And feeling hope, peace and gratitude.

Because that is just the type of people they are.

I love them.

And here is a Sweet Journal Entry from Tiffany earlier this year on Emmie's birthday.

Enjoy.

The Gift of Life Part Three: A Baby is Born

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(Here is the link to take you to PART ONE.)

(Here is the link to take you to PART TWO.)

It doesn't matter how many times I've been wheeled into the operating room, the sounds are always hauntingly the same.

"Cla-Dink, Cla-Dink, Cla-Dink, Cla-Dink."

This time was no different. The Wheels on the hospital bed seemed to shriek like two metals being rubbed together. And then, what seemed like a lifetime of pregnancy, with a 30 second trip down the hallway to the O.R. will soon be over.

I still can't help but be shocked when doctors and nurses prepare me for surgery. One would hope that the casual banter displayed on television shows like E.R. or Grey's Anatomy would only exist between Actors and Scripts, but the truth of it is...it has existed in every operating room I have ever been in. Instead of, "When was the last time you performed this operation?, or Are you awake enough to place this blade into her body?", I hear childish chit-chat about cars, camping, vacations, and food. It is as if they are riding a bicycle. Not really needing to concentrate on the woman and the baby whose lives are in their hands. It is scary. And it isn't that I don't think they are skilled enough to perform the surgeries. It is the ease and merriment associated with it that disturbs me most.

I listen in as the assisting Surgical Nurse reports how he was pulled over on the drive into my emergency C-section. He jokes as it was the first time he has been pulled over in the middle of the night in 10 years of taking emergency calls. He reports that he wasn't ticketed. I'm relieved.

I'm told to lay stiff like I'm a board and then I realize they are going to move me onto the operating table. I begin apologizing over and over again for the 'heavy' load they are lifting. They roll their eyes like I'm the bazillionth  person to ever feel like I was too heavy for them to move and then on the count of three they lift me with ease. I'm pretty amazed after feeling like a lead ball for the past few months. They are stronger than they look.

They sit me on the side of the bed and I am told to curl my back like the letter "C".  The Anesthesiologist quickly and painlessly numbs my back and gives me my spinal. I'm completely perplexed by how painless it was. The spinal I received in the fall for my spinal meningitis diagnosis was so horrifyingly painful that my mind spins with wonderment at the stark contrast.

I'm strapped to the table with large Velcro straps, both my arms and legs. As soon as my arms are secured I get this terrible itch on my nose. I scan the room for someone to help relieve me. The Anesthesiologist steps up as if reading my mind and asks if I need anything. Thank Heaven's. He scratches my nose, which I take as a true labor of love, and I feel much better. There is  large blue partition placed on my chest and it rises up towards the ceiling; it's purpose is to act as a shield so that I don't have to look at the huge mess they are about to make in my pelvis.This is when Scott is invited into the room and takes his place beside me. I am so happy to have him. He gently holds my hand and I squeeze his hand back so hard it is like I am communicating my anxiety through my grip. He reads my signal and steps a little closer brushing my hair on my face and down towards my head cap. I know that if I can just hold on for a few more minutes there should be a sweet cry echoing in the room, replacing the stale static.

A few minutes later, after felling some serious pressure on my abdomen, hearing more causal banter by the doctors, and squeezing my dear Scott's hand some more I heard it.

"Ah...aaaaa.....Whaaaaa...Whaaaaaa.!"

The volume of the sweet cry grew in intensity and then quieted to a soft sob.

I waited for them to bring the baby to me, but all I got was a short glance. He was perfect. My sweet, tiny, baby boy.

And then they robbed him from me which is the harshest cruelty associated with a C-section. But I knew I would see him again shortly. Or, so I thought.

And then the Doctor's voice chimed in delivering the hard blow.....

(to be continued in The Gift of Life Part Four: You Chopped My What?)

This picture is from Sawyer's birth, my third C-Section...but I think it does a good job with the visual for those of you who have never experienced a C-Section before. Pretty gross. Pretty Amazing.

(Still trying to write part 4. To be continued)

The Gift of Life Part Two: Preparations for Delivery

Continued From Here

February 15, 2011

1:30 AM

I had barely had time to sit on the bed when nurses started buzzing in around me. I knew them all. Haley, Julie and Tina...each performing their own task. One putting a gown on me, one giving me an IV, one trying to find the fetal heart rate on the monitor.

Trying.

Trying to find the heart beat. Trying.

Still trying.

Nothing.

And this is when I closed my eyes. I put my right arm up over my face covering my eyes and I just tried to hide. Hide my emotions, my shock, my fears. I listened. I was shaking and tears were streaming down my cheeks. I couldn't bare it.

Nothing.

One nurse took over the monitor. I could feel the tension between the two nurses. The silence was unbearable. All I could hear was static.

And then after what seemed like an eternity...

Thump.

Thump.

Thump.
He was there. He was still alive. He was still strong.

I still couldn't uncover my face. I couldn't look at anyone...I was in shock, shaking, cold, and starting to have strong contractions.

Ouch.

And for a brief moment I had a pretty normal thought about how in the world women have been enduring labor for all of time. How? It hurts so bad.

Ouch.

I was back in reality and knew that although things looked good on the monitor, something was wrong or I wouldn't be bleeding.

The room cleared for a brief moment and I asked Scott to give me a blessing. As he laid his hands on my head I felt a love that can only come from a father. My Heavenly Father. I don't remember what was said, only how I felt. I felt calm. Loved. Faithful. Even peaceful.

The room started buzzing again with nurses and Doctors.

My Dr. came into the room and for a minute I was able to joke light-heartedly about what had just taken place.

And for a moment, I allowed myself to feel excitement for the baby that I would (cross fingers) be holding very soon.

I told my Dr. to be careful. I told him that I wanted to have more kids. I told him to take his time and to put me back together better than he found me.

Who knew at that moment the irony that those words would soon possess?

Who knew?

Continued

The Gift of Life Part One: In the Middle of the Night

Continued From Here

February 14, 2011

It started as a normal Valentine's Day, except for the guilt I was feeling over not doing anything special for my family. I hadn't made sugar cookies with almond frosting, or bought gifts or even planned something fun for me and my lover...I had just written the day off as a failure. I was scheduled to deliver my fourth child on the morning of the 16th, 2 days from now. I was huge and uncomfortable, and I couldn't figure out how I was going to sit in the chair at the salon for three hours while Megan performed her magic and made me wonderfully blonde.

The three hours at the salon passed surprisingly fast and I was off to pick up my kids from Haley's house. When I arrived I was invited to stay for lunch. I vegged on Haley's couch and just let her pamper me. Good 'ole Tyler even picked me up my very own Diet Pepsi and I sat and sipped on it for hours while the kids played.

The rest of the day is pretty blurry which means I probably went home and took a long nap. When Scott arrived home from work he had a beautiful bouquet of flowers in hand and my guilt for dropping the ball on Valentine's Day set in again. Bad Wife. Bad Mom.

When we retired to bed that night I sent a text to Haley to thank her for feeding and pampering the fat lady on her couch all afternoon. She was working the night shift as a nurse in Labor and Delivery at the hospital and told me NOT to go into labor because they were swamped and didn't have any room. I fell asleep thinking about how glad I was that I could just sleep the night away and knew that I was having the baby in two days. I still had a lot to do to get ready.

February 15, 2011

1:15 AM

I awoke in a sudden panic. I wondered if I had just wet my pants. I sat up on the side of my bed and felt a real rush of fluid and realized that this must be it, my water broke! A million thoughts went through my mind in that instant. At the top of the list was my amazement that I had been right.That the nagging feeling that I was going to go into labor on my own, which I had never done before, came true.

As I ran for the bathroom, it felt as if I was in a slow motion dream. What started out as instant excitement suddenly became my darkest fear. As my head turned around to view what was happening I noticed that what I thought had been my water breaking, instead was blood. In one second my eyes trailed from the blood on the mattress to the blood on the floor. I sat down on the toilet staring at the blood draining down my legs and I felt sudden panic. I had just read a blog about a couple wanting to adopt a child after their  own baby had been stillborn at 39 weeks. "Oh, please, Lord, no!"

I glanced back into the toilet at the blood that was coming out of me. From the bathroom I could see two blood clots laying on my carpet about the size of my fist. I finally came out of my daze. I yelled for Scott.

Scott had been disappearing to the couch every night. I had been suffering from a weird pregnancy symptom which had caused all of my sinuses to swell and I couldn't breathe at night. He couldn't stand the snoring (can you blame him?) and had stared sleeping on the couch. I yelled for him again. He entered the room and shock fell over him too. It was a bloody mess. I told him to get me my phone and I immediately began making phone calls from the bathroom toilet.

I called Haley but she didn't answer.

I called 911. I told the woman that answered that I was in shock and couldn't think clearly and to transfer me to the Hospital. She told me that she couldn't do that but that she could call them for me. This was perfect. I told her to tell Labor and Delivery that I was coming in and to make room, to call my doctor immediately and to have him on his way. I told her to tell them that I was bleeding, and bleeding hard. She asked me for some information and then we hung up. This was the best call I made. This wonderful woman was true to her word and the hospital was called immediately.

Next I called Dana Brown. This is my wonderful friend who told me, just in case I did go into labor to call her. She didn't answer. I panicked a little. Who do I call?

She called me back, almost instantly. Some relief set in. "Dana, I'm bleeding and I have to go to the hospital please come now!"

I asked Scott to bring me some large 30x20 absorbent pads that I had saved from my last C-Section. I wrapped them around my body, tried to rinse the blood off of my legs and started hurrying towards the door. Scott stopped me and told me that I had to put pants on. At the time this was annoying to me. I just wanted to go, and go NOW. But he helped me pull some sweatpants on. I took one last look as I left my bedroom. It looked like a murder scene to me. It felt like I had left a part of me allover the place. Blood on the bed, on the carpet, on the tile, dripping down the toilet, splattered in the shower. Off we went. Coat less. Shoeless.

The ride to the hospital was filled with the sound of my voice, praying and pleading with Heavenly Father to save the baby and let everything be alright. Was this it? Would I ever meet my son? I was shaking uncontrollably and could tell I was in shock.

Haley called me as we drove the short distance to the hospital. She told me she was there waiting for me.

I cried.

As I got out of the car I sat in the wheel chair. I was glad that Scott had made me put some pants on and that Haley was there to meet me. She rushed me towards Labor and Delivery.

Continued

The Gift of Life: A Reflection

Well, one month ago a perfect baby boy was born. I have been wrestling over the past week about how to record his birth. It has been a traumatic and painful event for me. Which is why I wasn't sure how to write about it. I have a hard time writing about hard things. When I write about hard and painful experiences it makes me feel ungrateful. And I can assure you that I am NOT ungrateful; in fact, I am so grateful I think my eyes might burst.

I have decided to try and write about this experience with as much detail as I can for two reasons.

1. So that I never forget the great miracles that have taken place in my life.

2. So that maybe if someone else ever has to go through the same thing, it might help them by having a point of reference to compare their experiences too.

So I will begin to try and relay the past month. The beautiful, the pretty, the bad and the down right ugly.

Hope For Haiti

Please keep the Children of Haiti in your prayers. So many of them are needing miracles.

This photo is my friend Lindsay Crapo with her 5 adoptive children waiting for them to be allowed to board the plane.

Prayers are needed!

Miracles too!

Sawyer Scott Peterson

Sawyer Scott Peterson

January 27, 2009

7 lbs 11 oz
21 inches long





Here is a silly video I made while sitting in my hospital bed a few minutes ago. I have too many drugs in me right now, so I'll write more later.

I love him!!!

What Tuesday will bring...

What Tuesday will bring...

~Cute naked infant
~Sweet smelling baby
~New little brother
~Tiny diapers
~Soft skin
~Tender cries
~Millions of Kisses
~Tearful husband
~Blessed Mother
~Wrinkly skin
~Feeding time
~Snuggles
~Gratitude
~Prayers
~Miracles
~10 Fingers and 10 Toes
~Love of a Mother
~Wonder and Awe
~Peace & Joy
~Clarity
~Sense of Purpose
~Eternal Family

I am so excited to finally meet you little one. Remember that special chat we had a few months ago in the temple? That was such a special night for me. I am so ready to start living up to the promises I made to you that night. I am so grateful that your Heavenly Father has trusted me to help prepare you for all the important roles you are to fill. You are coming to a family that loves you. You will have a Father to teach you, a mother to care for you, a brother to play with and a sister to cuddle you. I can't stop thinking about you. I will see you on Tuesday!
~