A Surprise For 2015. What the?

 

For those of you that still follow this blog I wanted to include you in our exciting announcement. Sometimes life comes with impossible surprises and we have received such a gift. The followers of this blog know that after my last surgery to fix my bladder and my uterus I was warned not to have any more children because of the hish risk involved. And to be honest, we weren't even sure it would be possible. But the Lord had a different plan for our family and we are so grateful.

Our best Family Home Evening ever! Scott Peterson
Posted by Erin Peterson on Friday, July 24, 2015

 

And our Gender Reveal was fun too.

We are so excited and blessed to be expecting a baby girl in January 2016.

God is so good and we are truly blessed and amazed by this incredible miracle he has performed.

Top Ten Reasons "It's probably time to have another baby"!

I think that all my friends know that I wish I was pregnant. I'm pretty sure I bore everyone to death with my sob story of how bad I WANT another baby. Scott and I have always dreamed of having a large family and while we love and cherish each of our kids, it is hard not being able to grow into the family we wish we had.

After Wyatt was born we were warned about the dangers of my Uterus being able to carry another infant to term and the risks associated with attempting another pregnancy.

I had surgery to try and help my uterus be more viable and the Lord knows that we are both willing, however, so far we have not been given the approval of the Lord to try and have another baby.

So while we are in this waiting game, and while our window of opportunity is getting smaller, I often find myself laughing and crying about the silly things I find my baby hungry self doing.

Sometimes I even find myself mourning the kids I never got to have.

So here is my list, from my own experience of course, for all of you that are perfectly capable of having another healthy pregnancy, of how you will know when "It's probably time to have another baby."

Here Goes!

Top Ten reasons "It's probably time to have another baby"!

10. When your kids start complaining to you that they have nothing to do, it's probably time to have another baby.

9. If you're still keeping track of when you ovulate each month and every time you think to yourself..."Ya baby, I'm fertile", it's probably time to have another baby.

8. If you find yourself procrastinating potty-training your 3-year old and you DON'T want to give up diapers, it's probably time to have another baby.

7. If you're out in your garden digging holes for tulip bulbs and you start imagining placing each bulb into a healthy uterus, it's probably time to have another baby.

6. When you daydream about a total stranger walking up to you and giving you their baby, it's probably time to have another baby.

5. When your younger kids start acting demanding and entitled, it's probably time to have another baby.

4. When you find yourself contemplating buying a puppy for $850.00 dollars and  you have never even considered having a dog, it's probably time to have another baby.

3. When you find yourself borrowing babies to snuggle at church and not wanting to give them back, it's probably time to have another baby.

2. If you find yourself randomly picking up your 90 lb. 10 year old, and walking around the house with him cradled in your arms singing tender lullaby's, it's probably time to have another baby.

1. When you actually start volunteering to change your friends baby's poopy diapers, it's probably time to have another baby.


Well, I now officially have rid my house of any leftover baby items. They are gone. I'm adjusting to the idea that I need to just be a great mom to the wonderful kids I do have and keep borrowing babies at church.

Have any of you ever felt similar?

Utah Recap: A Surprise, Friends & Family, The Real Diagnosis

I was planning on heading to Utah on Tuesday, but decided last minute to pick up and leave on Halloween. It was perfect timing because Scott was HORRIFIED when he got home from work. He had quite a scare when he saw the piles of laundry and the sink full of dishes that I left him to take care of. Hee hee hee...I'm always sneaking out of my duties aren't I. Scott and Dylan stayed behind and I took the rest of the kids with me.

Kate, Sauce and Wiggs were waiting on the door step for Nana and Papa to open the door. 

It was an Awesome Surprise. 

They had NO idea we were coming.

Wyatt was so cute just sitting up like a big boy in his little Devil Costume.

My mom always has yummy bread bowls and soup waiting for visitors on Halloween so we hit the jackpot.

The Robinson's were over so we got to chat with them for a bit. It was so fun.

My Dad loves to sneak up on the kids wearing his fake teeth. Sawyer was a little bit scared.

We ventured next door to visit my Uncle Jeff and Aunt Pam. Holland was over visiting and I was so happy to see her. I'm in love with her and one of these days I'm taking her. Whit, you better keep a close eye on her. She is all mine! So cute.

Uncle Jeff also had a bag of gifts waiting to give to Kate. My kids love visiting Uncle Jeff's house. He always is sending them home with such nice gifts. Kate was thrilled and I couldn't believe how generous they are with my kids when they have about 200 of their own adorable grand kids. I love them.

Friends & Family

On our trip we got to see...

• Joe & Courtney (Kate was in Heaven trick or treating with Sailor and her big girl friends.)
• Shayne & Mike (They let us hang out at their house and it was so fun to chat and gab)
• Hollie & Kids (Hollie watched my kids for me TWICE, for both of my Dr.'s appointments she has been my best friend for like 25 years or something. We are getting old.
• Kimm (we had a sleepover at my parents house. Come on, you are never too old for a sleepover.)
• Angela (I got to visit her and she also watched my kids for me when I had my CAT scan on Friday.)
• Dustin & Jenna (we had a mock birthday party for Kate Bug and we met at Malawi's in Provo.)
• Jill ( Jill is a blogging friend of mine and I surprised her at her work. If you want to see a really ugly picture of me you can click over to her blog. {She captured the moment}.)
• The Robinson's (I took sue some creamies because she is still trying to recover from her HUGE surgery and still feeling pretty lousy.)

The REAL Diagnosis

Thursday I went in for my bladder scope. There is a fancy word for it but it escapes me. It was pretty uncomfortable and pretty painful. I tried to be strong but I started crying. I became really emotional when Dr. Cahoon found the hole (fistula) which I had been suspecting.

I'm not sure why I started crying so hard. 

It felt good to know that I wasn't crazy. 

It was scary knowing that I was going to have to have it fixed. 

It brought back a lot of painful memories from my recovery earlier this year.

It also brought up feelings of anger. 

Dr. Cahoon saw that I was emotional and let me get dressed and then meet him in his office. I was glad that my mom was with me. Some things are just too hard to do on your own.

At one point I because emotional again. I was feeling so angry. I was so mad that this had even happened to me in the first place and that nobody believed me or listened to me for the last 8 months.

I excused myself and went into the bathroom. I knelt down and started to pray. (I probably should have thought about this more because I had spilled my urine sample on the floor earlier. I wonder how much pee is on that floor. It has to happen all the time. I said a swear word when I spilled my urine and I NEVER swear. Gross.) I asked Heavenly Father to forgive me for being angry. I asked him to help me forgive my OBGYN and the nurse that poked the hole in my bladder. I started to feel grateful. Grateful that I am alive. Grateful that I found a Doctor that can help me get better. Grateful that I had been inspired to know what was wrong with myself. Grateful that I wasn't in pain. Grateful that I had a healthy family. Grateful that I was the one that was in need of help and not one of my children. Grateful that I was alive and not worse.

I found that I had a lot to be grateful for.

I was still really emotional as I went back into Dr. Cahoon's office to discuss the process of fixing me.

The Verdict:

It is a pretty intensive surgery. They will have to work to separate the bladder and the uterus. They will have to slice open the bladder again and remove all the bad tissue and all of the stuff that is in my bladder. (You don't even want to know). They will then close the bladder back up. They will also close up the hole in my Uterus. Then they will try to put new tissue between the Bladder and the Uterus. They will also try to pull down some of my Omentum (have you ever watched Dr. Oz?) and try to get it to lay between the two organs. Hopefully this will help them from joining each other again. There is a nice chance that I will also have a big huge scar heading north up to my belly button. I told the doctor that I am way past vanity and I just want to be BETTER. 

He sent me for a CT Scan on Friday. I've been having an issue with my bowel too so I am suppose to schedule a colonoscopy. I want to wait to see what the CT scan says before I do that though.

Okay, now I'm just rambling. I'm sure at some point I will talk more about this, but for now I am just going to be GRATEFUL I am on my way to recovery.

Have a great weekend folks.

Do you love Surprises?

Have you had a Colonoscopy?

Have you told your Bladder lately that you love it?

Have you ever spilled your urine sample?

What are you GRATEFUL FOR?

The Gift of Life Part Three: A Baby is Born

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(Here is the link to take you to PART ONE.)

(Here is the link to take you to PART TWO.)

It doesn't matter how many times I've been wheeled into the operating room, the sounds are always hauntingly the same.

"Cla-Dink, Cla-Dink, Cla-Dink, Cla-Dink."

This time was no different. The Wheels on the hospital bed seemed to shriek like two metals being rubbed together. And then, what seemed like a lifetime of pregnancy, with a 30 second trip down the hallway to the O.R. will soon be over.

I still can't help but be shocked when doctors and nurses prepare me for surgery. One would hope that the casual banter displayed on television shows like E.R. or Grey's Anatomy would only exist between Actors and Scripts, but the truth of it is...it has existed in every operating room I have ever been in. Instead of, "When was the last time you performed this operation?, or Are you awake enough to place this blade into her body?", I hear childish chit-chat about cars, camping, vacations, and food. It is as if they are riding a bicycle. Not really needing to concentrate on the woman and the baby whose lives are in their hands. It is scary. And it isn't that I don't think they are skilled enough to perform the surgeries. It is the ease and merriment associated with it that disturbs me most.

I listen in as the assisting Surgical Nurse reports how he was pulled over on the drive into my emergency C-section. He jokes as it was the first time he has been pulled over in the middle of the night in 10 years of taking emergency calls. He reports that he wasn't ticketed. I'm relieved.

I'm told to lay stiff like I'm a board and then I realize they are going to move me onto the operating table. I begin apologizing over and over again for the 'heavy' load they are lifting. They roll their eyes like I'm the bazillionth  person to ever feel like I was too heavy for them to move and then on the count of three they lift me with ease. I'm pretty amazed after feeling like a lead ball for the past few months. They are stronger than they look.

They sit me on the side of the bed and I am told to curl my back like the letter "C".  The Anesthesiologist quickly and painlessly numbs my back and gives me my spinal. I'm completely perplexed by how painless it was. The spinal I received in the fall for my spinal meningitis diagnosis was so horrifyingly painful that my mind spins with wonderment at the stark contrast.

I'm strapped to the table with large Velcro straps, both my arms and legs. As soon as my arms are secured I get this terrible itch on my nose. I scan the room for someone to help relieve me. The Anesthesiologist steps up as if reading my mind and asks if I need anything. Thank Heaven's. He scratches my nose, which I take as a true labor of love, and I feel much better. There is  large blue partition placed on my chest and it rises up towards the ceiling; it's purpose is to act as a shield so that I don't have to look at the huge mess they are about to make in my pelvis.This is when Scott is invited into the room and takes his place beside me. I am so happy to have him. He gently holds my hand and I squeeze his hand back so hard it is like I am communicating my anxiety through my grip. He reads my signal and steps a little closer brushing my hair on my face and down towards my head cap. I know that if I can just hold on for a few more minutes there should be a sweet cry echoing in the room, replacing the stale static.

A few minutes later, after felling some serious pressure on my abdomen, hearing more causal banter by the doctors, and squeezing my dear Scott's hand some more I heard it.

"Ah...aaaaa.....Whaaaaa...Whaaaaaa.!"

The volume of the sweet cry grew in intensity and then quieted to a soft sob.

I waited for them to bring the baby to me, but all I got was a short glance. He was perfect. My sweet, tiny, baby boy.

And then they robbed him from me which is the harshest cruelty associated with a C-section. But I knew I would see him again shortly. Or, so I thought.

And then the Doctor's voice chimed in delivering the hard blow.....

(to be continued in The Gift of Life Part Four: You Chopped My What?)

This picture is from Sawyer's birth, my third C-Section...but I think it does a good job with the visual for those of you who have never experienced a C-Section before. Pretty gross. Pretty Amazing.

(Still trying to write part 4. To be continued)

The Gift of Life Part Two: Preparations for Delivery

Continued From Here

February 15, 2011

1:30 AM

I had barely had time to sit on the bed when nurses started buzzing in around me. I knew them all. Haley, Julie and Tina...each performing their own task. One putting a gown on me, one giving me an IV, one trying to find the fetal heart rate on the monitor.

Trying.

Trying to find the heart beat. Trying.

Still trying.

Nothing.

And this is when I closed my eyes. I put my right arm up over my face covering my eyes and I just tried to hide. Hide my emotions, my shock, my fears. I listened. I was shaking and tears were streaming down my cheeks. I couldn't bare it.

Nothing.

One nurse took over the monitor. I could feel the tension between the two nurses. The silence was unbearable. All I could hear was static.

And then after what seemed like an eternity...

Thump.

Thump.

Thump.
He was there. He was still alive. He was still strong.

I still couldn't uncover my face. I couldn't look at anyone...I was in shock, shaking, cold, and starting to have strong contractions.

Ouch.

And for a brief moment I had a pretty normal thought about how in the world women have been enduring labor for all of time. How? It hurts so bad.

Ouch.

I was back in reality and knew that although things looked good on the monitor, something was wrong or I wouldn't be bleeding.

The room cleared for a brief moment and I asked Scott to give me a blessing. As he laid his hands on my head I felt a love that can only come from a father. My Heavenly Father. I don't remember what was said, only how I felt. I felt calm. Loved. Faithful. Even peaceful.

The room started buzzing again with nurses and Doctors.

My Dr. came into the room and for a minute I was able to joke light-heartedly about what had just taken place.

And for a moment, I allowed myself to feel excitement for the baby that I would (cross fingers) be holding very soon.

I told my Dr. to be careful. I told him that I wanted to have more kids. I told him to take his time and to put me back together better than he found me.

Who knew at that moment the irony that those words would soon possess?

Who knew?

Continued

The Gift of Life Part One: In the Middle of the Night

Continued From Here

February 14, 2011

It started as a normal Valentine's Day, except for the guilt I was feeling over not doing anything special for my family. I hadn't made sugar cookies with almond frosting, or bought gifts or even planned something fun for me and my lover...I had just written the day off as a failure. I was scheduled to deliver my fourth child on the morning of the 16th, 2 days from now. I was huge and uncomfortable, and I couldn't figure out how I was going to sit in the chair at the salon for three hours while Megan performed her magic and made me wonderfully blonde.

The three hours at the salon passed surprisingly fast and I was off to pick up my kids from Haley's house. When I arrived I was invited to stay for lunch. I vegged on Haley's couch and just let her pamper me. Good 'ole Tyler even picked me up my very own Diet Pepsi and I sat and sipped on it for hours while the kids played.

The rest of the day is pretty blurry which means I probably went home and took a long nap. When Scott arrived home from work he had a beautiful bouquet of flowers in hand and my guilt for dropping the ball on Valentine's Day set in again. Bad Wife. Bad Mom.

When we retired to bed that night I sent a text to Haley to thank her for feeding and pampering the fat lady on her couch all afternoon. She was working the night shift as a nurse in Labor and Delivery at the hospital and told me NOT to go into labor because they were swamped and didn't have any room. I fell asleep thinking about how glad I was that I could just sleep the night away and knew that I was having the baby in two days. I still had a lot to do to get ready.

February 15, 2011

1:15 AM

I awoke in a sudden panic. I wondered if I had just wet my pants. I sat up on the side of my bed and felt a real rush of fluid and realized that this must be it, my water broke! A million thoughts went through my mind in that instant. At the top of the list was my amazement that I had been right.That the nagging feeling that I was going to go into labor on my own, which I had never done before, came true.

As I ran for the bathroom, it felt as if I was in a slow motion dream. What started out as instant excitement suddenly became my darkest fear. As my head turned around to view what was happening I noticed that what I thought had been my water breaking, instead was blood. In one second my eyes trailed from the blood on the mattress to the blood on the floor. I sat down on the toilet staring at the blood draining down my legs and I felt sudden panic. I had just read a blog about a couple wanting to adopt a child after their  own baby had been stillborn at 39 weeks. "Oh, please, Lord, no!"

I glanced back into the toilet at the blood that was coming out of me. From the bathroom I could see two blood clots laying on my carpet about the size of my fist. I finally came out of my daze. I yelled for Scott.

Scott had been disappearing to the couch every night. I had been suffering from a weird pregnancy symptom which had caused all of my sinuses to swell and I couldn't breathe at night. He couldn't stand the snoring (can you blame him?) and had stared sleeping on the couch. I yelled for him again. He entered the room and shock fell over him too. It was a bloody mess. I told him to get me my phone and I immediately began making phone calls from the bathroom toilet.

I called Haley but she didn't answer.

I called 911. I told the woman that answered that I was in shock and couldn't think clearly and to transfer me to the Hospital. She told me that she couldn't do that but that she could call them for me. This was perfect. I told her to tell Labor and Delivery that I was coming in and to make room, to call my doctor immediately and to have him on his way. I told her to tell them that I was bleeding, and bleeding hard. She asked me for some information and then we hung up. This was the best call I made. This wonderful woman was true to her word and the hospital was called immediately.

Next I called Dana Brown. This is my wonderful friend who told me, just in case I did go into labor to call her. She didn't answer. I panicked a little. Who do I call?

She called me back, almost instantly. Some relief set in. "Dana, I'm bleeding and I have to go to the hospital please come now!"

I asked Scott to bring me some large 30x20 absorbent pads that I had saved from my last C-Section. I wrapped them around my body, tried to rinse the blood off of my legs and started hurrying towards the door. Scott stopped me and told me that I had to put pants on. At the time this was annoying to me. I just wanted to go, and go NOW. But he helped me pull some sweatpants on. I took one last look as I left my bedroom. It looked like a murder scene to me. It felt like I had left a part of me allover the place. Blood on the bed, on the carpet, on the tile, dripping down the toilet, splattered in the shower. Off we went. Coat less. Shoeless.

The ride to the hospital was filled with the sound of my voice, praying and pleading with Heavenly Father to save the baby and let everything be alright. Was this it? Would I ever meet my son? I was shaking uncontrollably and could tell I was in shock.

Haley called me as we drove the short distance to the hospital. She told me she was there waiting for me.

I cried.

As I got out of the car I sat in the wheel chair. I was glad that Scott had made me put some pants on and that Haley was there to meet me. She rushed me towards Labor and Delivery.

Continued

The Gift of Life: A Reflection

Well, one month ago a perfect baby boy was born. I have been wrestling over the past week about how to record his birth. It has been a traumatic and painful event for me. Which is why I wasn't sure how to write about it. I have a hard time writing about hard things. When I write about hard and painful experiences it makes me feel ungrateful. And I can assure you that I am NOT ungrateful; in fact, I am so grateful I think my eyes might burst.

I have decided to try and write about this experience with as much detail as I can for two reasons.

1. So that I never forget the great miracles that have taken place in my life.

2. So that maybe if someone else ever has to go through the same thing, it might help them by having a point of reference to compare their experiences too.

So I will begin to try and relay the past month. The beautiful, the pretty, the bad and the down right ugly.